Everything repeats itself and I can't stop it

[Before I start please just know I took professional help to beat it but it couldn’t solve the main issue.] I normally help people in this forum with a discord team called “Support Wall Action Teams”. But this time I guess I need help. Well currently I feel great but something is not right. I mostly got rid of my depression, suicidal thoughs and most of my obsessions caused by OCD(again). That should be a great thing normally. But we realised one issue was still there and that could lead them to repeat(because it did twice). And it is internet/phone addiction. Yeah it might sound like a small thing but it caused me depression in the first place(according to my therapist). And I don’t want it to repeat again. You may not believe me but only thing makes me happy is my phone. I only care about it, I only care about playing games in it. I don’t even care about the life. And thats why Im worried and I can’t do anything about it since Im lazy asf. I know everything can repeat if I continue doing this since it got repeated TWICE. And you may ask how I know. I know the issue is phone addiction because only thing that haven’t got changed is my addiction. Everyone says that, even my therapist says that but I just can’t change it. My therapist solved the same issues twice but not my addiction. I want my issues to go away. I sacrificed so many things to beat this but I can’t sacrifice the time I gave to my phone. You can’t even guess how addicted I am. I know I am addicted but I just can’t do anything about it. I literally spend more than 8 hours in my phone. I didn’t even count the time I spend in front of the computer. I wake up, eat, go throught my phone until its battery dies then switch to pc and switch to phone again when it re-charges again then eat and then sleep. And ofc I stay in my room whole day and I also know that makes my mental health worse but my lazy-ass can’t stop using the god DAMN PHONE. I know what my issue is. I just can’t stop doing it at all. Because I like spending time with a phone since real life is full of issues. I don’t know what to do anymore. My therapist said suicidal thoughts will repeat itself if I don’t stop. I know he is right BUT I CAN’T STOP SPENDING TIME WITH MY PHONE. There is just one thing left to beat but its really hard for me.


Hi there,

are your games internet-based?
Can you buy a non-smart phone, one without internet capabilities?

Is there a reason that you stay in your room all day? Do you have irl friends you can hang out with? Or a pretty nature spot where you can go and just walk around and maybe draw and paint?

I’m hearing you say you’re lazy, but maybe if you broke the cycle of being indoors with nothing else to do and change your environment, it will start the process for you.
Make some hard changes, give away your phone and get a new ‘not smart’ phone, only that can only call and message, and don’t put internet on it. It’ll suck for a while, you will feel bored, so go out and do something, cook an elaborate meal (use a recipe book so you’re not tempted to search recipes online), invite your friends over, have a box at the door for everyone to leave their phones and devices, play some games and just enjoy being in the moment. You can even call your internet provider and tell them to halt your service for a month. have a trusted friend tasked with informing you of any critical updates that are shares online (serious sickness, deaths, major events that you need to be aware of, not minor flus, stubbed toes, etc).

Do you think something like this could help you out? You’ve done well to beat other stuff before, so it’s already in you. You just have to dedicate yourself to this addiction now. You can do it. We’re here to help however we can.


I mean some of them are internet-based.

I currently can’t since our school group is in whatsapp. And it requires internet.

I stay in my room all day because I don’t like interacting with people much. I have irl friends but I can’t hang out with most of them because they are really busy. Yeah I have a place to walk around but my back hurts if I do so. And I suck at painting.

I also tried to break the cycle but its harder than you think. If I stay without a phone or a computer for few hours I start to freak out. I mean you are right I can cook some stuff but I tried it before and its not for me.

Yeah you are right I beat other stuff. But I have computer addiction for years now and its not an easy task. Electronic devices are my everything. I can’t care about real life. I tried it. Computers and electronic devices literally became a part of my personality. I have no choice but play games even if I don’t have fun because if I don’t play them, suicidal thoughts starts to come back after few weeks.

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it is hard, i will not ever doubt that. But some of the language you’re using right now sounds like the “all or nothing” talk of addiction. Your “freaking out” is withdrawal. It is not a part of your personality, it is something that you have used to express yourself and build connections. If you start changing the way you talk about it, that will also aid you in changing how you think about your phone. your phone is not “your everything”, it’s currently your main form of entertainment. You do have a choice to not play games, if you work out ways to keep yourself entertained otherwise. You have to treat it like any other addiction.

You are more than your addiction, and your addiction is not you.

If you don’t play games, you don’t have fun, and that is what opens the door for the suicidal thoughts. So you need to swap out the games for something else that can bring fun to you. This is what you need to work on, and it may seem difficult or even impossible, the way an addict sees a life with their drug as not fun or worth living. But once you change the way your brain views the rewards of the addictions, once you see what is possible when you open yourself up more to what life has to offer, then it will become easier.

I found this from a quick search, and it may be a good read for you. Smartphone Addiction - HelpGuide.org

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Well yes I have a choice to not play. But nothing else entertains me. Aaaand thats one of the issues here. I get bored quickly so I have to do many things to entertain myself and that is tiring. And since im lazy doing tiring stuff is harder than ever. Like I said I know the solution. But I don’t know how to apply it to myself.

Like you said its like drugs. I can’t stop myself from using those devices because my addiction has came too far. You are also right. I also clicked the link you sent. It kinda helped. Thank you.

And one of the issues is I don’t really want to stop using electronic devices. When I try to get away from it it feels like a torture. There is not much reason for me to even continune living. And when i get bored from them I get depressed. Im also just trying to be good because I get sad when I look at my parents and see them trying to make me happy. It might be weird but I cried while typing this stuff. I know whats the issue, I know how to solve it. But I feel like im trapped in a loop. And im not strong enough to break it. I cried because I tried everything I could but still couldn’t able to fix it. I am telling the truth trust me. Even if I didn’t wanted to stop using this devices much I tried everything I could. Everything will repeat again and I can’t stop it. What Im going to do EVEN the therapist couldn’t helped me.

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Not weird to cry, I think you want to be free of this, but you can’t see how. Maybe you need to find a therapist who is specialized in working on gaming addictions. Just because this one can’t help, does NOT mean that no-one can.

I encourage you to read up on overcoming gaming addiction, read up on the success stories out there. Let yourself see how others have overcome it. It is possible, you just have to undergo a period of discomfort and adjustment. There is hope, friend.

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I changed therapists like few times already and it didn’t worked at all. Do I have to repeat everything I had multiple times to many other therapists now? Its hard to do and I don’t want to explain myself to them again since first 2 of them wanted to put me in a mental hospital.

Anyway this is not going to work I guess, anyway thanks for trying to help.

From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hiya Thanks you for posting, firstly thank you for all you do in in the SWAT groups and im grateful that you felt that you too could post. I personally have not had an addiction to an item as such although I cannot say that I do not have an addictive personality and I do understand that need to escape from what feels like an either stressful, miserable, or just plain mundane life and you sound like you have tried so hard and conquered a lot to get to the place that you are at now. Just one last thing, right? And it’s a biggie? However, I sense that although you do want to stop, maybe something is holding you back? Maybe that is fear of change, so im wondering if maybe practicing some counteracting techniques might be an idea as a starting point that you could implement but you would have to be tough on yourself in order to do it. For example,1. take set regular breaks prolonging them in time but really taking the breaks away from all devices to spend doing something for yourself. 2. Then reclaim friend and family time, take some time away from devices 2 or 3 times a week to spend with a friend or family member, no devices allowed. 3. If you can learn to do that for a couple of months without it being too much trouble remove usage of all devices from your bedroom. I don’t know if any of this is of any use to you, I am just wondering if this is a kinder way of slowing down the use so that making bigger changes isn’t such a frightening prospect. I certainly don’t think you need to go to a mental hospital. I do wish you well and hope maybe some of this is of use. Good luck and keep in touch, you know you are always welcome here, you are part of the family. Much Love Lisa. xx



Hi @E_Man Addiction is addiction no matter what you are addicted to. I struggle with drugs and I know how hard it is to put it down. If you want to quit, put yourself into a rehab program. You can do inpatient and they do have programs specific to what you need. I see you’ve changed therapists because it didn’t work with them. Did you do your part? Were you honest and use any coping skills you learned? You have to want to quit, no one can make you do it. It’s got to come from within you. I hope you find what you need. ~Mystrose


From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, E-Man! I’m glad that even though you participate in these groups that you weren’t afraid to post to the wall yourself. It sounds like part of you wants to stop the addiction but another part of you doesn’t. That’s the hardest part of addictions.

Really the only thing that will help you is to disconnect and stop attaching yourself to technology. But I know that is hard to make yourself do when you’ve convinced yourself you need it and nothing else is good in life. I think using some apps can help you. There are time management apps that can lock your phone for a certain amount of time (except for emergency calls, etc) which can help you get off it some. I’m sure there are some for computers as well. Maybe you could try using them to cut yourself off a little more each day/week. They are usually password based so if you have a friend or family member you see every day that you can allow to control that so that you cannot turn it off yourself I think that could help you.

Another thought I have is a way to get you out of your room. There are apps and games that use exercise as part of the game. I’m sure you’ve heard of Pokemon Go. That’s a big one. There is also one I know of called “Zombies, Run” where you actually pretend to run from hordes of the undead. They would have you using your phone still but at least being out of your room and doing other things and discovering the world.

Those are my thoughts anyway on ways to maybe help you use your phone less. Good luck :hrtlegolove:


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