I don’t even know, where to actually start. I’m so bored and tired. Everyday is the same. Nothing ever happens. Everything’s so plain.
But I’m also tired. Physically, I mean. No matter how much sleep I get or how good it is. I’m constantly tired and lack the motivation to actually do something. It’s such a hell hole. I want things to change, but can’t find the motivation to do something for it. I honestly forgot, what it’s like to feel something else besides boredom or sadness? I just don’t know. I don’t remember. It’s been such a long time, since I was actually happy. When there’s nothing going on, you have time. So much time, to think. And I often find myself thinking; Do I still feel something? Or not? I’m so confused. I can’t even put it into words. Another thing driving me crazy is my phone. Looking at it gives me anxiety. My heart starts beating so fast, every time I pick it up. So many bad things are connected to it. Honestly, all I want is a new phone, so I don’t have to remember all the nights I cried because of it. No idea if this even makes sense. My mother says it doesn’t. But honestly, I don’t care anymore.
My father’s birthday is tomorrow. I have yet to get him a present. I thought about drawing him something, like I did for my mother. But I can’t find the motivation to pick up my pen. And even if I do, my mind goes blank the second I do. It’s as if I lose all the progress I made in the second, I start to draw. I feel bad, that he most likely won’t be getting something, because my dumbass self is too fucking depressed to put effort into something. I hate it. I hate myself for this.
Hey there. I’m so sorry you feel that way. I know how hard that can be, I’ve had times like that myself. You’re totally right everything is weird right now and it can be hard to tell which way is up sometimes.
That’s really cool that you draw, I can’t draw very well myself. I know it is super cliche but it really is the thought that counts when it comes to gifts. Especially with parents. I know it’s not always so easy to do but don’t put pressure on yourself when you pick up the pencil to draw. Take a deep breath and just let whatever is inside flow out. Maybe that will “unblock” your brain and let you create what you’d like for your dad. Or maybe that thing you draw will be it.
Thank you for sharing too. It’s not easy to put stuff out there for others to see.
Hey! I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve also been thinking too much myself and I’ve been in my own head way too much at times lately. Its tough! To release yourself from the anxiety of your phone a suggestion I have would be to disconnect daily from your phone and read, or sit and relax, just relax, don’t let anything in your head, maybe also deep breathe.
I’m honestly the worst when it comes to gifts, I always wait last minute, and when I decide to try to make something by hand so I draw tons of blanks. I’m not one to draw or color, never have been, so I know the feeling there. What I like to do is try for say 5 or 10 minutes, then if I’m stuck go get my brain off of it and come back to it in a hour or two. Sometimes that helps clear things up and make ideas flow
You’re never alone on the heartsupport forum with the way you feel or the things you’re going through, we’re here for you, I promise. I hope that we’re able to talk with you and help you get through what you’re experiencing
