So I know it’s been a while and trust me, it’s not due to a lack of problems. I’ve just been so busy even though I am no longer working. I’ve been working to get on disability which I have been denied for and will try to appeal. My children has been exhausting me to my fullest. I’ve been drinking and it’s because I learned to trust myself with it. Several family members and friends stated that they do not believe me to be an alcoholic and that they know I am more afraid of becoming one. Whenever I do have the fear again, I stop myself from drinking.
I’m just so tired of dealing with my mental health especially knowing that it is indefinite and there is no cure. I tire of trying to remember my meds, tire of adjustments, and tire of speaking to my therapist. This is no fault of her own, it’s just me. I’m sick of it and often have nights full of tears because I sometimes wish to die, but know that if I did, my children would be the first to find me. That’s not fair to them. I just don’t feel like doing life anymore.