Existential questions with terrible timing

Recently I’ve been doing good- I haven’t self injured in 10 days and I don’t feel the urge to even when I hit my low points.

Even though some times are fine- others aren’t.

I constantly have anxiety holding me back all the time. It’s like it never ends. I guess I just don’t try hard enough or something.

When I get held back by my anxiety I get these stupid existential questions in my head- like why is the world how it is, am I even good enough, what’s the purpose of everything I’ve done. I’ve gone through 12 years of school and that’s not good enough- so then you go through a couple more years on top of that- and then you still aren’t good enough for a lot of things. Jobs are still hard to find. Still hard to make a living. Still hard to be happy.

A lot of people get stuck in a job they hate- when I worked where I used to people constantly made remarks about killing themselves and joking about it- what is sometimes called casually suicidal- did they mean it or not?

The thing is when I worked there I meant it.

I get it- we all have to have jobs we aren’t necessarily happy with. Have I not been put through enough hell to understand life? Have I not been at rock bottom long enough to understand living?

I don’t know if any of that made sense.

I just feel like a failure. I have more to say but now I just don’t feel like it.

Hey @Lyss,

Last I checked, about 85% of people admitted to hating their jobs, so you’re definitely not alone. It’s tricky trying to hone in on what your true passions are and trying to make a living off of it. I strongly suggest looking into “Strengths Finder” - it helps you find what you’re passionate about. Alternatively, there are some free tests floating around online too.

I’m not quite sure what you mean by this. Could you please elaborate it a little for me?

-Eric

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I guess what I meant is when a lot of people say that even though they hated their jobs it made them understand a lot about life.

So what I mean is did I not spend enough time at my job to understand how life works, or when people say that being at really low points have made them who they are today, I meant have I not been at enough low points in my life to change how I am today… if that makes sense.

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Hmm… what I think they mean is that, by working at job they hated, they learned what not to do for a future job (i.e. similarly to how internships work - usually internships give you a taste of what the full-time job would be like and whether you’d like it or not). I think everyone who hits a low-point in life are changed, whether they know it or not. I’m sure you have the wonderful capacity to empathize with other people, which wouldn’t have been formed if you haven’t gone through really difficult seasons in life.

Hey Lyss,

I honestly don’t have the answers to your questions. I hold most of the same ones.
What I want to say is thank you. I’ve been reading the wall for a while and finally managed to make an account the other day and you’ve been such a huge support to this community. I wanted to say how grateful I am that you’re here and how much I admire you. Thank you so much for the overwhelming love you share with all of us.
:heart:

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Lyss you beautiful human. You are not a failure and it hurts me so much to see you like this. Your life is worth so so much you best remember that! I love you and you are one amazing person. I’m an incredibly lucky person to have met such an awesome potato human. Love you!

Kayla

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Lyss,

You are amazing. You are an amazing friend and it’s so awesome to call you a friend. I have seen your art and its freaking awesome. You have the ability to pour out so much love even when you are struggling something I cant do. I’m so glad you are here and apart of this community. You are now a high school graduate and I’m so proud of you. You did such an awesome job on your fundraiser and helped so many people. You brought up anxiety and you have a tattoo I’m pretty sure you overcame a ton of anxiety to do that and I’m so proud of you. I couldn’t ask for someone better to have on my support wall team. You are making steps on finding a new job to better yourself witch is amazing. The right job will come way. We need you here heck I need you :heart:

-Evan

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Thank you guys, I appreciate you all. Your words mean a lot and they are not taken for granted. Thank you. Love you my friends.

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Oh Lyss,

I met you on kernals stream. I feel you on so many levels with this. I’ve constantly worked jobs I’ve hated and question WHY I even exist to be put on earth to work these awful jobs. I only wish I had the answers to your questions. I’m so glad you haven’t self-harmed in 10 days, though. I watched your stream a little earlier and you seem like such a good soul. <3

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