Experiancing new triggers (trigger warning)

[Ezra]

Just as I slowly start to progress with my current triggers, today happend something strange to me. I was watching a just chatting stream where the topic was “would you rather?” and the question popped up, would you rather be left or right handed.

I was born at a time (1971) where it was common to retrain left handers at school in first grade. I was left handed, and was trained to become right handed.

With that question, the scenes when I was 6years old popped up again. Where my left hand was tied to my back, when I got face slaps from my teacher, when I used my left hand. The punishment at home when my teacher sent a note that I was unwilling to work with my right hand.

I hit me out of nothing - I haven’t thought of that for many many years. I actually feel the pain again in my left arm when it was held on my back during hand writing training.

I once read that being trained from left to right handed can cause actually mental health problems. If someone has sources about that, I’d be thankful for some input in that topic.

[nameredacted]

Hi friend - I don’t have sources on that but wanted to say how sorry I am for that trauma that was imposed on you. That was not ok. How amazing and resilient you must be to have been able to then function as a right handed person even though you are really left handed. I can’t imagine how I would have been able to do anything if someone forced me to use my left hand. No wonder it brought up traumatic memories for you. Allow yourself to grieve for that child who was treated so unjustly and also celebrate the child who survived nonetheless. Lots of love.

[Ezra]

Thank you for your answer. What surprises me is that the memory came up so extreamly strong. I did a quick google search on that topic, and found out that such training can cause stuttering, word-finding-problems, problems in concentrating. Your abilities of thinking are not restricted, but you have problems in expressing yourself.
I find much of myself in those articles. Despite I never stuttered, I do have problems with finding words, when I am under stress. And by whatever reason I do much easier expressing myself in english than in german, my native language.

[nameredacted]

Completely understand your surprise at the negative emotions at jumped out at you from the seemingly simple question of would you rather be right handed / left handed. I think sometimes these things we have lived with for so long can really sneak up on us.

I am very near-sighted and was once telling a trusted person about the way my father used to ridicule me about being so near-sighted. This trusted person laughed (if I can take a step back, the names my father called me were funny but also cruel) and it was absolutely like a brick upside my head. Somehow I didn’t expect such an extreme reaction from myself. I think these pressures that are at odds with our natural beings can be so traumatic for ourselves as children.

All the best to you. And sending good wishes and comfort to that little child in you that was abused and punished for simply being who you are.

[ktStark]

So sorry that this happened to you It is sad to hear that you were shamed and punished for something like using a different hand than the majority of people. That is not okay - it’s unfair -and I can only imagine the lasting impact of it that you are describing. Thank you for sharing that with us, I hope that it helped to get those memories and feelings out. You were made beautifully and perfectly.
I don’t know of any sources on the topic but it looks like you were able to find some information on the lasting effects of it. You are still amazing as you are now, just as you were as a child. I hope that those memories and triggers can be healed