I don’t even know where to begin with this one…I guess just everything I have been struggling with these past few months is just all hitting me at once rn…
The negative feelings about my friend are back again…I guess I’m just having a very hard time with not being able to talk to him as much…I’m not wanting to put him on blast or anything bc ik it isn’t his fault…he’s just been really busy with work and stuff… and as much as I’m really honestly trying to be understanding of that…i keep getting these feelings that I’m really hoping arnt true…I keep just feeling like an annoyance and a burden to him… Like I said it’s not his fault and ik there’s a good chance these feelings I’m having might not even be true… I’m thinking it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. I really don’t want to be that bad friend who just assumes the worst but it’s just really hard bc the feelings I’m having r from how I have been treated bfor with other people I used to talk to…
This thing with my mom giving up on me as well I feel also has taken a huge toll on me plus the whole online abuse I received in the beginning of the year…I’m just constantly not feeling like I’m cared about or loved and those feelings just kill me…I just want things to get better but I just don’t see it happening anytime soon…
Have you ever heard of our inner critic? Its that voice (our own voice) inside our head that fills us full of self doubt. Yes, you’re mind is playing tricks on you.
Remember just a week ago you had this healthy thing to say about your friend?
Your friend has to have his own life. You can’t put unrealistic expectations on him or you WILL push him away. He has to work, so he can pay his bills and feed himself. He isn’t working so he can get away from you or because he hates you. Your description on him above is lovely and you can tell he really cares for you.
Remember that ok? Give him a call after he gets off work and ask how he is and how his day was. I’m sure he’ll ask you how yours was too.
When you hear your inner critic start to bring you down, tell it walk behind you.
you know how they say misery likes company?
In many cases, it’s that misery likes to be alone, so our brains lie to us and make it seem like we have no-one who cares, and tries to further isolate us so we are miserable AND lonely!
Hope you got to talk to him about this, and that you’re feeling a bit more positive now.
I talked with him about it the other day he reassured me that I am not a pest to him at all. if anything he finds me funny and adorable…well don’t know about adorable…but he def finds me funny. So that makes me feel a ton better
Because this is something that I struggle with too, I like to keep things people say to me. Screen shots of texts or DMs where I felt seen and loved by the person. I have a private channel in my Discord that I keep them in and when I’m feeling negative thoughts about a friendship, I’ll go read the things that person said to me so I can remind myself that they do care about me.
Sometimes I only see the current situation (that they aren’t answering my text for example) and base our whole relationship on that. I don’t remember the past and all the love that this person showered over me. Having little reminders like that help.
