My ex girl took her own life. It’s all my fucking fault. I’m a worthless piece of shit. I deserve to die.
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Hi friend,
My heart aches for you. I lost my best friend to suicide, and I felt so much guilt. I’m sure the thoughts going through your mind are similar to the ones I had things like “I should have seen this coming”, “I should have been there for her more”, “I should have been a better friend/boyfriend”, “I should have stayed with her” these thoughts can feel like they are eating you alive, and it’s so incredibly painful.
Something that helped me was recognizing that just like there is no one thing that can heal someone, there is no one person who can drive someone to take their own life. No one of us has that much power. It also helps me to think about how from this moment forward I can try to live on for them and make the world a better place, the kind of place that they would have loved.
For instance, my best friend loved people fiercly and in a powerful way. So now I have made it my mission to make everyone I meet feel so loved, maybe you can do something to honor your ex friend, to find some greater purpose.
This is NOT your fault. You have value, and you have PURPOSE. Please stay, please hold on.Please keep reaching out.
Sending love
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Please don’t blame yourself. I know it can be hard not to. I know you are in pain right now. But you can’t blame yourself. It was her choice to do what she did. It is NOT on you. Any thoughts telling you that “you deserve to die” are lies from the pit of Hell. You deserve to live. You deserve to heal from this. You are important and have purpose on this earth. You are loved. You can get through this.
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I am so sorry for your loss, that is such a heavy weight to carry. It’s so easy to feel at fault for so many reasons but at the end of the day, she was suffering in her own mind and what she did was her choice. If she wasn’t verbally blaming you, she would have found another reason. As hard as this is to deal with, you are not at fault, you deserve life, you deserve happiness. I sincerely hope that you are able to find joy and forgive yourself, because I assure you that this is not your fault.
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Hey it’s Eyyohbee. It crushes me to know you feel this way. It’s not your fault. The most we can do for people is be present and support them as much as possible. We are never at fault for others actions. You are in charge of you of though. It sounds like it’s time to take steps to get help. You’ve started by submitting to here which is an awesome first step. Thank you for that vulnerability. Please, continue reaching out to people. You are far from a piece of shit. Its time to fight back because youve got a long life ahead of. Love you friend. Pleas, continue fighting. Reach out if you need anything.
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Other people’s actions are not your fault. Don’t blame yourself because of someone else’s choice. Life is worth living.
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