Ever since the quarantine started, I felt something empty inside of me. I tried talking to one of my best friends but no answer. Socializing feels like it’s no used for me. The worst part is the feeling of not getting attention by anyone like you are a ghost. It’s so hard to be fitting in when most of my friends are talking without me and the betrayalness. Felt like I was distancing myself like an outcast from the world. I’ve been dealing with this ever since elementary. It’s hard when you need someone to talk to. What really comforts me the most is music. Making and listening music is my only therapy to escape this void. Sometimes I just wished I have someone to talk to when I needed the most. I want to break out my outer shell but I just don’t know how to…
Yeah, Jake, I can relate a lot to this, man. Quarantine feels like it pulls at the very thread of the fabric of your relationships…and it seems in a lot of cases like the thread has run out…and you’re left feeling relationally naked and alone. But it also doesn’t feel like an unfamiliar pain, but rather, the resurfacing of something that’s been gnawing at your for years…that ultimately you aren’t worth people’s time, and you’ll end up alone.
Quarantine has had similar effects on me…I remember weeks would go by and I was like – humans??? We’re in the middle of some unprecedented times. I believe some self-kindness would go a long way. The pain you experience is real, and it makes sense.
I don’t have the answer, but I do see that you’re actually working towards it yourself. By breaking your self-imposed isolation, you chose to reach out here, to ask for support, to seek connection. And that’s a brilliant decision. Well done, man. I believe it’s steps like these that will slowly, and over time, move us out of a place of habitual loneliness and into a place of being capable to find connection whenever and wherever we need it. You’re on the right path.
-Nate
It’s always taken time for me to break out of my shell too, and it’s taken a lot of time to slowly whittle that time down. You’ll get there. The push for me was when one of my instructors said they wished they’d gotten to know me sooner and that I had seemed reserved and stand-offish at first. That was the wake-up call I needed to break out and engage as soon as possible with others because that wasn’t how I wanted other to perceive me; I wanted people to see me how I see me.
I felt the same way you do at first. I was used to being alone most of the time outside of work. I didn’t realize how much I enjoyed and depended on the spontaneous outings with friends until they couldn’t happen anymore. What’s helped me combat the sense of loneliness that initially came with the pandemic was interacting more with people online. I typically prefer face-to-face interactions with people or interacting with my small group of friends, but branching out to engage with more people online, like you did, helped me to feel less lonely. I also frequently call or video chat with my close friends and family. You’re on the right path and you’ll get there. Progress and growth takes time.