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Failure trying to move on

I need support prayers mostly because I am a firefighter I have came up on a crash site I know the person well unfortunately he did not make it ever since that day I have been very depressed I have tried to save him! l failed how do you go on in life I should be happy but I’m not. I got the greatest job in the world saving people’s lives anyway I’ve just been very depressed ever since that day I just need somebody to listen to my pain. Someone have told me talking helps this is the first time I’ve ever shared my pain with somebody thank you for reading this :heart:


Hey Rob,

Whoever told you that, was absolutely right. It’s good to reach out and talk, even when its hard, if you’re feeling a lot of heavy emotions, depression or struggling. So I’m really glad that you listened and decided to.

Friend, I am SO sorry that you lost someone that you knew. I know loss. I know grief. It’s so hard. You don’t really ever forget that. Losing someone.You know, but I think it’s so incredible that you have so much strength and courage that you hold one of the most dangerous jobs out there. Like you said, you save lives. You take a risk with your own life to make a difference. And that is an incredible thing. THANK YOU. Thank you for your service. Your sacrifice.

It’s understandable to feel hurt, depression and pain over losing someone. It’s understandable to carry guilt. To be sad. You know, friend, there are going to be times where you can’t always save a situation. And that is NOT your fault. At all. It’s unfortunate, sad and heart breaking but it’s important for you not to put too much guilt on yourself. You did NOT fail, okay? You tried. That counts. You TRIED. There is nothing else you can do other than that my friend.

I’m not sure if these words are even helpful, but I just want to let you know that I hear and see the pain you are fighting right now.

Are you in the heart support discord? If not, here’s the link: - A place where you can connect as well.

I encourage you to reach out to a therapist if you need to friend. Everyone handles grief differently. And I know for you it may be different in another way, since you are also a fire fighter and struggling with feeling of failure. Don’t be afraid to seek out that help and that safe place if you need to so someone can work with you through your grief. It’s so important.

Embrace any loved one or people in your support circle. Keep talking and reaching out.

Friend, I hope you find strength and healing.

  • Kitty

Hi @Robken8504,

Thank you for what you do, being a firefighter, gathering your energy to help others. I truly respect you, your life choices and what you do. You can’t do that kind of work if you’re not dedicated to it, if you don’t do it with your heart. But friend, it’s also why that kind of activity is difficult. You witness difficult situations, people who are suffering, and even though you’re prepared for this you’re still a human being with a range of emotions and potential reactions. Especially if the situation you have to face involves someone you know.

It is indeed a wonderful job, but it’s also okay not to be okay. Please, don’t be too hard on yourself or think that you should be happy. The situation you’ve been through is difficut, traumatic, and you need time to process, to regain some peace. It doesn’t make you weak or a failure. And it doesn’t mean you’re not gonna be able to keep doing what you love.

You just did the right thing by starting to reach out here.

Talking about it is indeed important. During almost a year I volunteered as an intervenant for psychosocial support in traumatic situations (car accidents, mostly). It’s a modest experience, but based on this I can’t insist enough on how much talking is essential. I agree entirely with the person who told you this. Because it helps you to tell a story, to acknowledge how you feel, to regain some perspective and process what happened. But it’s uncomfortable. It has to be done in a safe environment. Is there any third-party service with therapists or counselors for the workers of your fire department? Is there a possibility for you to give a try to therapy by yourself? Also, for what it’s worth coming from a total stranger… just know my DMs are open if you ever want to talk (well, write is more accurate) about what happened, at your own pace. I am sincerely sorry for your loss and what you’ve been through. But you are not alone, okay? As @KittyKoyangi said: “Embrace any loved one or people in your support circle”. Because helpers also need help sometimes.

Sending much love to you. :heart:


Thank you I needed to hear that. And there’s no one us firefighters can talk to. I wish there was but a friend of mine told me about this heart support. I’m sorry I haven’t got back to you. I was on a call we had a fire that took almost 5 hours to put it out The good thing is I have saved two children that were in the closet trying to get away from smoking & fire but thank you for reaching out to me it means a lot hoping in the future if I need somebody to talk to.? Do you mind listening anyway thank you again and God bless!


No need to apologize. You never have to feel pressured to respond. The purpose is so that you feel heard, welcomed, valued. If you need to receive that without saying anything that is okay. If you want to respond, great! Totally understandable that it took time with what you do.

Being that I was a military spouse for 14 years I feel like often soldiers, police officers, fire fighters and those who sacrifice themselves and go through such extremities should have someone they can talk to. It only makes sense that you would have moments of just needing a space to talk at and have someone genuinely listen.

When there is nobody else, or if you’re between therapy sessions, or it’s late in the middle of the night. You are always welcome here. Here or on the discord.

Thank you again for your service and for what you do. <3 Without people like yourself, there would be a lot more lives and places that are lost.

1 Like

Thank you so much :heart: I needed to hear that!! I will keep you updated on my progress to get better I have started going to church when I prayed for the first time it felt a lot better but I’m not going to give up I’mma continue to fight for myself and move on thank you for your kindness and your wisdom take care and thank you again.


@Robken8504 Thank you for being strong and brave enough to help those who are in mortal danger. You make the world a better, safer place. I’m sorry you were in a situation where you lost a friend while trying to save him. To @KittyKoyangi’s point, you didn’t fail, you did everything you could do, and you can’t go beyond “everything.” I can’t imagine the grief you’re feeling from being put in that situation, and it hurts just to think about. But you went on to save the lives of 2 children! Your good work in this world is far from over, man. You are a blessing to everybody: those you save, those you do everything possible to save, the loved ones of each of those people, and those of us who will need rescuing someday. Remember: YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. YOU ARE A GUARDIAN, A GIFT FROM GOD TO HIS PEOPLE. You have to be strong to be a firefighter. Like @Micro said, sometimes it’s okay not to be okay, sometimes you’ll get overwhelmed, and you’ll need to vent or rest. We’re here for you. Thank you again for fighting for those of us who are trapped.


You reply anytime you want/can. Never any pressure for that. :slight_smile:

You matter, friend. What you have to share, to say, matters.
And of course the door is always open, anytime.

Thank you again for what you do.
Stay safe, okay? :heart: