Failures, keep falling further back and I’m losing hope

[Ivar]

Hey,

So I’m here it’s about 3am and I’m here because I’m at the end of my rope.

My gf broke up with me…
I had to move back home
my music endeavors failed
I don’t know if I have a job anymore
My friends and family are getting married
starting families and have homes.

My dreams are dead, it sounds super dramatic I know but I don’t know what to do anymore

The things that hurt is that I was going to marry my now ex and my dream of sharing my experiences are gone.

For three years I lived in a different city stressed out because I was fighting to find a stable job and accomplished my goals in music and schooling.
I had music going strong, a stable job and looking at school. Covid hit and hit me hard, I acknowledge many people didn’t have it easy either but just like them that’s when my dreams and progress in life started regressing and falling apart.

My band stopped just before our album was released, all that hard work and the excitement I had a chance to just be heard for once was gone…

So I decided not to let my self fall into that hole so after a few but long set backs I was enrolled in school and was gonna change my future and build a better life for my gf and I.

After a year I was wrapping up classes and my job just started to demand more from me
My gf and I were having issues cause I was depressed and things just got hard.
My love for life was starting to go away but I knew things would improve with my new job.
I was applying for new jobs in my new career…

I kept not hearing anything but then after a few weeks I got two interviews in the same week.
I was excited cause I was gonna start saving up for a marriage and a house then bamm…

Last week my gf who I known for 5 years and dated for 3 more woke me up and told me she didn’t love me anymore.
She said that I was going nowhere…
She thought since things were stressful since I moved down in the past three years that a life with me would always be that way… she now is seeing someone else.
I can’t sleep, I barely eat, I have my chest feeling tight and heavy, I have to take big breathes and I’m crying.
I’m not an emotional guys at all but damn I don’t know anymore.
I keep praying to God for something to change.
I have no future it feels like I keep fucking fighting and it’s pointless.

To whom ever reads this understand
I’m not entitled to anything, especially not a persons love. I don’t expect things to be handed to me but things keep pushing me down and down down
I just want to be heard , I just want to feel like I matter, I want to feel purpose, I want to belong somewhere again.

So Im here now because I have no where to go
no one to listen anymore and I can’t be alone with my thoughts anymore…

[LadyValkyri]

The girl doesn’t matter right now. She is of no consequence. If someone loves you and cares about you they don’t hurt you and abandon you. You dodged a huge bullet, when you could have spent 20 years trying to please someone who was never going to be satisfied. Thank God for the lessons learned, and count yourself lucky you didn’t invest another day with her. The living situation isn’t ideal but you have a roof over your head with your folks right now. You aren’t homeless, under a bridge, finding your meals in a dumpster of begging for change from strangers. Be thankful and humble. The music is still in you, if you still want to make it. You still have your mind, and your fingers, and you are vibrant enough to still make things happen, if you wish to pursue it. Job situations are tough all over. There is 331 million adults in the US right now. Only 152 million are employed. These figures suggest that more people are jobless than are not. This also means that you may have to take an “in the meanwhile” job before any openings are available in your chosen field. Right now you are looking at the entire elephant, and saying “How the hell am I going to eat this thing?!?!” Take one thing at a time, and list the things you have no control over (cheating so, band), the things you DO have control over (more applications to different fields, new bands, meeting nice people), and the things that you might want to be humble about and grateful for. Counting your blessings, so to speak. You are an intelligent person, you have all of your faculties and wits about you, and you have untapped potential. Focus on bettering the things that are within your power, and let the rest go, friend. I get being sad. We have all been there. It’s understandable. But worrying never accomplishes anything. You’ve got this, one little bite of the elephant at a time. It will get better. It WILL turn around. Hugs

[Ivar]

Thank you for the kind words.
I’m sorry I probably haven’t conveyed it well but I am humble and grateful for the small things.
My health, friends and family are here but some how I feel like I can’t talk to you them or get them to understand how much everything hurts.
I think a lot of my hurt/anxiety/sadness comes from the feeling I fight through a lot but nothing ever comes of it.
About my ex you’re probably right.
Things like that make it so hard not to be bitter.
It feels like the worlds pressing down on me…
I’ll try to take your advice and trudge ahead.
Thank you