For the last three or four days, I’ve been experiencing anxiety way more than usual. I’m a Christian, but my faith has been little to no comfort to me. No matter how much I pray, no matter how much I read my bible, my anxiety never goes away. All my life, even before I knew of my diagnosis, I sensed I was different from everyone else. But I didn’t realize how different until I reached my teens, Around the same time, I became a Christian personally, but even then, I’ve never felt as though I belong. A lot of things about faith that Christians take comfort in just rub off on me the wrong way. I’m very shy and introverted, so I don’t really have any friends. That said, in a way, I grow up in a middle-class family am being abused, I never went to drank or did drugs or smoke or do pills. And yet, I feel guilty for how blessed I am. How can I be practically living? because I already feel powerless. Another big thing that contributes to my anxiety is that it’s very easy for me. whether that be extreme sadness or anger at the person making them suffer, sometimes both. I know how valuable empathy is, but sometimes, I wish I didn’t have it. For one thing, I will admit, sometimes I unintentionally indulge in my emotional distress. I’m not always aware of it, and when I’m I it, it’s hard for me to stop. I don’t know what to do about it. There’ve been evenings when I’ve ranted and cried. I’ve been to counseling, my family knows about my problems and do not supports me, but no matter how hard I try to make friends or try to get into my faith as everyone else does, I always feel alone. Truly, no one I know or understands how hard it sometimes. I didn’t ask to be born this way, I didn’t ask to be born at all. I feel as though I’m too much and not enough at the same time. I live in a world where I feel like my faith won’t let me enjoy the “world” and the “world” won’t let me enjoy my faith.I’m struggling with self-harm right now and I don’t know what else to do to get the help I don’t know how to go to in lost in my mind am worthless am a piece of crap I can’t control my behavior and I just feel like quitting. I what to be a male I am been bullied and am lost in my sent her day by day My story is a long one, but I’ve done the best to keep it short. I’ve never had suicidal thoughts, but sometimes I wonder if it truly is better to be an adult than a child. Often I feel older than my age and more jaded, and I wonder if I’ve just lived too long. All I want to know is that there’s at least one person who’ll at least read this and let me know they have. Just listening (or reading) i rellay need support right now
Have you tried listening to worship music or instrumental music? This really helps me calm down when I’m going through a period of high stress. My personal favorite album is “Starlight” by Bethel - You should give it a listen!
My favorite instrumental band is Hammock. I’ll link them down below too if you’re wanting to kick back and just listen to soothing instruments.
How/why would you classify yourself as different? Sometimes “different” can be good!
You’re definitely not alone for feeling guilty because of what you’ve been blessed with. In fact, one of my favorite artists raps about how he feels guilty for being wealthy (he came from a very poor background). If you need a song to empathize with, “Why” by NF is pretty good!
I completely understand. In the past I struggled with putting other people’s problems onto my shoulders. When my parents divorced, I felt like it was my responsibility to hold the family together (being the eldest sibling). However, I was told that this was one of the worst things I could do because how the family responded to situations was completely out of my power and responsibility, so by putting their problems onto my shoulders, I was only bringing myself down. It’s important to care for other people, but if you stack all of the problems onto your shoulders, it could be a massive burden for you.
One thing you can do to fight back is to speak words of life and affirmation over yourself. You will learn to believe anything you tell yourself, whether it be truths or lies. Instead of telling yourself that you’re worthless, start telling yourself that you’re awesome. Over time, you’ll be surprised at what you begin to believe.
I hope this helped a little! Hold fast.
thanks you for the support