Falling apart.....again

Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life. My mom doesn’t bbelieve that I have panic attacks. She thinks it’s my way of trying to get them to stop lecturing me. My parents are over protective and when my mom found me leaning against the guy I love, she pulled me aside and asked if I ever wanted to see him again. Later that night I was informed that I could end up sending him to jail if I kept doing things like that because he’s 18 and I’m still a minor. It could ruin his life. I could see how.hard it would be to stay away from him and keep him safe so I decided to kill myself…I had the pills ready and my water bottle with things like rubbing alcohol in it. I was going to do it. I asked my parents if I could call my best friend. It was around 11 pm so they said it was too late and I wasnt about to tell them that it was so she could convince me to stay. This was the first time in so long that I’ve felt suicidal. I ended up turning the radio on and I knew it wouldn’t be on a Christian station because I barely went on that station. But it was. I wanted so badly to believe it was a sign to stay. I do belive it. I wrote a not to tell my parents what happened but after my brother read the first page, something I wasn’t ever planning on letting him do, I’m too scared to show them. I’m going to tell my best friend and I came on here to get help but I cant tell anybody else. I don’t know what to do. I want to stay but I don’t know how to life like this! Please help me. I can’t show my family the note and I don’t think they would believe me anyways. What am I supposed to do? I thought i was getting better. I liked what I was like but now I just hate myself and what I’ve become…help. My world fell apart in just four hours. Please. I feel lost.

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Dear @star
Everything is going to be alright, I promise you that. Unfortunately, there’s little that can happen in terms of your parents, unless they do decideto listen to you (though overprotective parents aren’t known for it). However, if you really love your boyfriend, and if he really loves you, waiting will be worth it. And if he’s not willing to wait, then you deserve better. Try to smile, keep your head up. Find a hobby that brings you joy, something easy that takes your mind away from the situation. Stay strong, everything’s going to turn out alright. :slight_smile:

I think your parents are on your good side. I think you should sit back and relax and breathe. your parents may not understand everything, and you may not understand their side. but take a minute. breathe. and if he’s the one for you, he’ll be there waiting.