Falling down a rabbit hole

Hi, my name is Sandy. I’m from Germany. I’m new here at “the wall”. I came across “heart support” when “Kitboga” mentioned it and I’m on the discord-server. I’ve introduced myself there.
I’m struggling with my anxiety issues (being alone, left alone,…), trust issues, depressions,… I’ve had some suicide thoughts years ago… Problems my whole life since I can think…

Right now I’m struggling with a lot…

In February 2020 my husband (married for almost 17 years) moved out and in directly to his girlfriend aka co-worker… We have 2 daughters (12/14) and the elder one wanted to move in with him… He didn’t want to pay child support, wanted to make life a hell for me… Been to court with him to give him a lesson that he has to pay child support… I’ve filed for divorce in March (after 1 year of separation), he agreed, but wants me to sell our apartment and then I’ll have nowhere to go with my girls… And I’m having a hard time at co-parenting with him…

In April last year I have got to know a man on “Tinder”, it came to this that he has scammed me… Knew it, but couldn’t admit it to myself… When he started ghosting me since October… I knew he’ll never visit me…
I’ve blocked him since March… But now I miss him… I know what he has done to me and my family (gave him a bunch of money), but still, I miss this person…

Since my dad has died of colon cancer in 2017, I’m quarrelling with my mom and younger sister a lot over everything (they’re living right next to me)… They support me and I support them… But most of the time we’re not good… I’m a family person and…


Yes, you’ve had a really tough time of it, and I don’t think you deserved be abandoned. Having trust issues is understandable as is the depression and anxiety.

If selling the apartment will place you in a bad spot financially, don’t do it. Alternatively, you could force him to buy it for a price that will enable you to have a decent home elsewhere.

Co-parenting can be difficult, and it’s pretty rare that the children involved don’t try to work the situation to their advantage, even if it causes conflict between parents. Children may also opt to go with the most fun parent, rather than the best one. Often, children have to grow up before they realize who was the best at parenting.

Regarding the guy who ghosted you, do you really miss that toxic relationship, or are you just plain lonely? A person can look back longingly to a time of “blissful ignorance,” when things seemed to feel all right, even though deception was taking place. You might remember fondly who you thought that person was, but that person never really existed. So, rather than miss a nonexistent person, realize that you’re actually missing how you felt at that time.

Regarding quarreling with your mom and sister, I hope you become really good at avoiding them.

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From: Ash (Discord)

Sandy first off thank you for sharing this post to the wall. It sounds like you have a lot going on. I want to say welcome to the discord and I am glad you are here. Sounds like your ex isnt the best by any means. I am sorry he wants you to sell the apartment because it sounds like he isnt supporting his children and in doing so how are you suppose to afford their needs. He was the one that chose to leave not you. That would be a hard thing to get over. My parents as a child were divorced and my dad at the time loved to fight my mom on every little penny or thing. As for the person on tinder oh boy that sounds horrible that he did this. You had a relationship with this person you felt he cared about you and that he was there for you. Its hard not to fall for that to love this person and miss him. Its like loosing part of you. Just dont let him keep it from you. Dont let him hold onto the stuff that you have with him. It sounds like you are struggling to know it is okay to cut that tie there but you can. As for the family boy do I feel that. My own mom and I have had our issues not exactly the same way but sometimes I have learned that we just have to accept that we are different people what one wants the other might not want any more. So fight to keep a positive look at what they say or do. Also family is a link to our lives and they are super important so remember that sometimes we may not get along but we still love them. Just know you are not alone. And you are not fighting alone we may not be there physically but we are there through support and thoughts. Hold fast we are here.


Thank you very much :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: I’m glad that I’mhere and that I’m not alone with my problems… It’s hard for me to talk about my problems with anyone… But here I feel safe :relaxed:

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