My mum has been venting to me since i was 8 about my dad and i am currently 17. She tell’s me that her husband doesn’t love her, and that she doesn’t love him back. We are not in a financially good place, our family argues nearly everyday, my brothers are not ambitious to study and my parents aren’t happy about this, my 15 year old brother hits and punches my parents whenever he gets angry, all my dad does is go work, come back and isolate himself from us, he swears tremendously and has anger outbursts often, he is emotionally unavailable towards all of us. My mum has been crying since i was young, she has kept saying ‘i’m going to runaway from this house’ since i was little, there are times where she claims that she want’s to kill herself and wishes she would die because she doesn’t want to live with us. Whenever we go outside together she compares me to other girls my age and always scolds me for not dressing up like them or not being as lively and energetic like them. She complains about everything, she complains that i dont have many friends or don’t talk to a lot of people, she complains about my dad every single day and claims that he ruined her life. I cry everyday because I’m being pressured by my mum and because i pity her life. I just feel like i can never be happy when my mum’s life is like this. There are time’s where i don’t see the purpose of me living and i feel so lifeless and empty that i dont want to do anything anymore, but i dont have any suicidal thoughts. My life has always been to go to school, come home and go on my phone until bed. I dont want to live in this house but i also don’t want to go to school, i am stuck between two places that make me feel emotionally drained. My life is boring, draining, sad, empty and lifeless. The same things happen every single day and i am so tired, my brothers swear at me and my parents, they hit me and my parents whenever things dont go their way, i feel embarrassed to dress up and even wear jewelry because i feel like i dont deserve it, i cant open up to my friends because they cant do anything about this situation because my whole life is a problem. I have been crying for 5 years now about my mum’s life, about my life, about my family, my dad has never talked to me properly except about politics and instructions on something. I never see my parents show affection, they dont show affection to me and my siblings as well, i have nobody to talk to, i am emotionally deprived, i am deprived of love and affection, i am tired to a point where i wear black everyday because it represents how i feel inside. I have the tiniest bit of hope that things may change which is the reason why i am living. I want to leave this family but at the same time i dont because i am lonely and have nowhere to go to. Can someone please help me out on what to do?
You are right - this voice telling you there is hope for the future is right - it sounds like you have been so burdened with such family stress that should not have been put on you as a child but were anyway. You will not be in that place forever.
You mention your life has been school, home, phone, bed day after day. Is there anything at all you enjoy or might enjoy that you can go do outside of the home after school? Sit somewhere and write or sketch? Or shoot hoops? Just random suggestions but maybe something new will help lift you a little from the lifeless routine you feel like you are in now. Hang in there friend.
I grew up in a household like this… please don’t give up. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. While I’m not recommending, I joined the military to pay for college and spent 4 years far away from my family. The distance helped put life in perspective and started me down the path to a future with a loving spouse despite neither of us having that example growing up. A better future is possible. I’m living proof.