Fear of abandonment and feeling needy

i feel like im just annoying everyone i ever talk to. yet at the same time, if im not being talked to or validated or reassured, my fear of abandonment kicks in.
i need reassurance almost 24/7 and its tiring and makes me feel like im annoying everyone. feeling clingy and just wanting to be interacted with.
since losing my dog, im just not doing good.
im tired. physically. mentally and emotionally.
tired in every way possible.
needing attention to know im not being left, to know im not annoying, to know im wanted… its pathetic isnt it


Hi there I wanted to gently remind you that you are not alone and I personally view this as a trauma response. Therapy truly helps a lot to find the root of where this stems from and the ability to help manage it. I also encourage whenever feeling down to write down every positive thing your friends and family has ever said to you and to view that whenever you start feeling that way. There are also numerous hotlines you can reach out as well when things get overwhelming and also apps that are great for anxiety. You are never alone and I am glad you reached out

1 Like

From: tromboness

Needing attention doesn’t make you pathetic. Seeking to have your needs met doesn’t make you annoying. Losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a family member. It’s okay to take the time to grieve.

From: mrs_cuddlebug

Its not pathetic. I go through that too. You are such a brave, beautiful person for reaching g out about that

Hey, mammawolf. I can absolutely relate. Needing recognition all the time makes me feel annoying, that gets my self-confidence down and so I need more recognition. It’s like a vicious cycle!
But I don’t agree that it’s pathetic! It’s a really hard situation you are in and you are fighting through it and even open up about it so bravely. That deserves massive respect.

From: luxandmortem

It’s okay to feel the need to be wanted, Im so sorry you lost your pet. I go through wanting to feel needed alot and feeling ignored. But then i ground myself and remember that im not alone i have people who care.

From: mrs_cuddlebug

I struggle with this on a daily. My husband taught me to say everyday “Everybody loves me” 3x in a row. Say it to yourself in the mirror.

Hi @mammawolf! Thank you so much for posting, this is a great step forward. You being vulnerable with a bunch of “strangers” so to speak on the internet is really brave. I am glad you decided to share with this wonderful community. I want to let you know that I’ve been and am in the same boat. I constantly need reassurance even from my own husband whom I’ve been with for 10 years and married for 8. You’d think after all this time being with someone for so long would make me feel worthy, wanted and loved. While I do, my brain always comes in with creeping thoughts that I know aren’t true but I can’t help to listen to them. It is tough to work through this kind of thing especially if we are use to thinking it all the time. It’s important we work on our mental health and learn where these struggles might be resonating from. I think from my personal experience for needing validation and reassurance really stems from my childhood. Once I figured that out I am able to work on moving forward and teaching myself gratitude and words of affirmation. Sometimes we need to be our own best friend and look ourselves in the eye and be like “hey, you are loved. You are worthy. You got this.” If you need to, reach out to maybe seeing a therapist, if that is your path, like I said earlier there might be some underlying trauma that might be making you feel unsure.

I am so sorry you lost your dog, pets are really important and great. It is probably really tough that on top of dealing with all of these thoughts of needing to be validated, reassurance and fear of abandonment you have to deal with going through the stages of grief. I want to provide you with an article specifically for coping with grief and loss. Hopefully it can be insightful. Stay strong, you’ve got this.

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