Fearful of My Current Health

It started out when my primary care physician prescribed Omeprazole to me. Intended to treat problems pertaining to my stomach and digestion, it presumably ended up giving me tongue ulcers or worsening them due to an allergic reaction. That being coupled with acute pharyngitis meant that I was not (and still am not, to a fluctuating degree) able to eat, talk, or even open my mouth without the presence of pain. For some reason, my doctor did not tell me that I had acute pharyngitis or ulcers at my appointment, which meant that I had to deal with this pain until today without specific medication.

What was prescribed to me on this day by someone at an urgent care center was Prednisone and Lidocaine, both of which have a novel’s worth of side effects. The stress from all that, my mental illnesses, my bicuspid aortic valve, and the lack of an appointment with an otolaryngologist until next week may worsen things to a further extent, and that is ******* scaring me.

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That is very scary, and you have every right to be scared. I imagine that having something prescribed to you that only worsened your situation must have caused a lot of anxiety. Especially with it being an allergic reaction to boot. I hope that, although you are under a lot of stress, you can still try to find some ways to relax. Stress itself can be very heavy on a person already dealing with so much. I hope your health improves and next time you are seeing your physician ask them lots of questions and make sure they explain why the are prescribing you things, and what is wrong. So that you can bring up any concerns you might have. I wish you good health and hope that your experience at the Otolaryngologist goes well. Feel free to share more, if you ever need. <3

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Thank you for opening up on this area of your life and health, and I hope you find it to be an understanding community and safe space to find help in bearing your burdens, even if that means a simple listening ear out of genuine care and desire for your wellbeing, which maybe has been hard to see in the relationship with your doctors at this time.

What may be lacking in assurance in terms of your physical health I hope can be encouraged and uplifted through having the stresses of these things carried with you so you don’t have to suffer through the fears alone or in silence. I hope you feel comfortable to keep checking in about how the medicine is working that you got at the urgent care, as well as how the otolaryngologist appointment works out!

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@ThriceTheThird That is good advice; I just need to know when to bring questions up, as my physician always seems to be in a rush, leaving me with little time to gather my thoughts.

@jbro I do have some updates that can be taken both generally and as a response to your last message, which I appreciate.

(Trigger warning: Death:) Sometime after making my initial post, I ended up going to the urgent care center again for a check-up. The doctor told me that I seemed fine, then stated that I should to go to the hospital for additional tests since I felt weak and light-headed. After doing so, I stopped taking both of the medications the doctor at the urgent care center prescribed to me, for one of them was causing my weakness and light-headedness. Furthermore, even though most of the tests at the hospital came back with nothing bad, one of them did catch how I had high blood pressure (121/69), presumably because I felt so bad at one point before the visit that I thought I was going to die.

I now have to monitor my blood pressure for a few days. Ironically, staying on top of that today proved to be stressful. For starters, I found out that I needed to replace a bulb in my car prior to driving to a pharmacy. Upon leaving a car parts store, I decided to turn right on a red light, which I almost never do, as a result of thinking that I needed to take advantage of more opportunities. I then blocked a crosswalk that had no one nearby but, in retrospect, could have had someone come by at some point, and then hit a part of a curb, prompting me to immediately begin to freak out about how I may have damaged something and how I was so stupid. (I had to drive past that area at least three times in order to semi-convince myself that I only hit the edge of the curb.) While driving, I then proceeded to panic as more mistakes were made, including driving down a road that seemed one-way the wrong way due to how small it is, almost getting stuck in a parallel parking spot with cars in front of and behind me, hitting the gas instead of the brake while backing out of a parking lot, and not stopping at the right place for a stop sign that doubles as a crosswalk. I somehow came out of this all with a blood pressure of only 109/77. I cannot manage my stress for the life of me and am so thankful that I did not hurt anyone or damage anything yet am also on edge about how I could have done those things.

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Maybe tell them ahead of time that you left feeling as if things weren’t explained well enough to you last time, and ask if they could be detailed in explaining their diagnosis and plan for treatment this time

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Thank you for sharing the updates! The stresses that you’re going through are not insignificant, because even though you are feeling very intensely about the things that happened in the situations you’re expressing, it’s not a detriment to you that you did feel those things.

I very much have been there myself in those points of anxiety that feel so overwhelming and beating down in a self-deprecating way (“how could I have been so stupid?” Kind of thoughts) over similar things that you expressed, even also out on the roads! You are very much not alone, and I hope there is more time to process things and rest this week as the days go on.

Though the weight of the responsibilities of everything after those events happened is not meant for you to carry, it’s understandable that the feelings seemed so intense in that direction of guilt. It may not make total sense as to why, but sometimes our feelings don’t line up with reality, yet that doesn’t mean you’re going crazy; and I hope I can be a testament to that!

I can also attest to having points of feeling close to death from stress, meds, or a combo of both, so I’m very glad you made it through that

Please feel free and safe to share any updates you have as of late!

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@ThriceTheThird, I told them something along the lines of, “I understand that you are busy, but I would appreciate it if I could be given a bit more time to ask some questions, for, even though you do take the time to answer some, I have felt as though you have been in the process of leaving before I was ready to stop bringing things up.”

Their response, as best as I can recall, to that was, “How much time would you like? Ten minutes? Fifteen minutes?”

Then, I said, “I don’t have a specific time in mind; I just feel somewhat rushed when it comes to asking questions.”

After this, they stated, “You told me that you were done, so I started to leave.”

I ended the conversation with, “I did not say that, though I would appreciate it if you let me know if I do say or do anything that gives you that impression moving forward. Have a good night.”

Such responses of theirs came across as though they had a superiority complex, as though I was not worth their time, a vibe that I have gotten from them prior to today, like when I asked if they could put on gloves before examining my throat, only to be met with an, “I’m literally not going to be touching it.” And, I was going to say that, “Right now, I am torn between giving them a chance to show improvement or finding a new doctor since my tolerance for rudeness died a long time ago and is currently only being covered up by ingrained politeness,” then I saw that she diagnosed me with hypochondriasis without discussing it with me. What an untrustworthy and dangerous person.

(Oh, and they asserted that they did discuss the pharyngitis; they just did not use the medical term for it, which is true, and that my ulcers were not noticed since my pain was described as not that extreme, which is not true when I say it’s difficult to talk and the like.)

@jbro, Thanks for encouraging me to keep sharing updates in regards to this topic. Doing so has given me a much-needed opportunity to vent, and I imagine I will need that after my appointment with an otolaryngologist on Wednesday.

The appointment with my otolaryngologist went fine. Their office did not take note of how I wanted my tinnitus checked out, too, so they were not able to do that; though, I did not bring my results from my last hearing test, either, leading me to believe the delay of it getting looked at is a good thing. Past that, they mentioned that my throat and tongue seem to be making a good recovery after checking those parts of my body without washing their hands with soap and for only two seconds, as well as without putting gloves on afterward. Even if direct contact with my nose and throat were not made, I still wish I said something about it. Nevertheless, at least those aspects of my health have been improving.

Thank you, @jbro and @ThriceTheThird, for helping me feel listened to.