I cant lie, I have gone back and fourth if I should post this because I can’t help it, I feel bad for writing these things as I like to keep happy, I like to let people know its good to be positive and try to see the good side in things and I have to say I have really worked bloody hard on myself this year and have really managed to do that in most circumstances…but im struggling a bit at the moment, this time of year is hard, this time of year has been hard for a long time and I dont even know why (not true) and (not true) it reminds me of everything I am not and everything I have failed at basically not to mention the loses I have had in my life thankfully not too many have all been at this time of year.
I try each year to not let it affect me but as it gets closer the pit of my stomach starts to hurt and my head starts with all the tales of just what a disaster Lisa’s life is, I guess its not disimilar from watching a chistmas carol except Im not rich.
This year im throwing myself into heartsupport as being around you all makes me happy but im still really struggling so sorry if im a bit off on occasions, its not you, it really is me. I love you and value you all more than you could ever know, you have given me a purpose beyond anything I could imagine. I want you all to have the best chirstmas that you can possibly have.
Much Love
Lisa.
We love you @Lisalovesfeathers and we are here to lift you up whenever you need us, just like you are for us. We’re a family of unconditional love and support. You are enough for us and a light in our souls. Not even close to a failure, not EVEN close.
Thank you for trusting us with your feelings and opening up to us. Memories of loss, especially at a certain time of the year, are pretty enduring aren’t they?
When we’re sad and recalling the things that have hurt us/saddened us/broken our hearts, our minds can jump on the sad wagon and say, “hey, do you remember all this other stuff you can feel bad about??”
Wanna hear a secret?
Your life, no matter what, is not written in stone. It can be re-written in some parts, some other parts can be looked at through new reading glasses. “Lisa’s life has been a disaster?” Maybe, That could be true. You know what that DOES NOT mean? That Lisa’s life must forever be this way, that this is permanent and never- changing.
How do I know this?
Were you busy helping others last year, bringing joy and love and support to people on the internet? Nope. Were you doing all this good for us? Nope. Is Lisa’s life a disaster today, on that basis? NOPE, because Lisa comes here every day and makes the world better and happier and safer for a WHOLLLLE lot of folks.
That’s how I know for a fact that Lisa’s life has value and she is full of worth.
Sita, Thank you for your lovely words, as ever you always know what to say, im sure you live in a house built of self help books. One thing you did get wrong, WE were here bring joy, love and support every day to make the world a better place and we do a darn good job. Thank you, you both made me cry but in a very nice way. xxxx
i just snorted into my tea with that description of living in a house of self help books!! That’s such a powerful and awesome image!
i stick by what I say. YOU have done all these things, you deserve solo credit for your part
Not letting you distract me by saying anything else!
Thank you for always supporting us, for making things easier and friendlier for everyone and for always being willing to help!
And yes, let the happy tears flow and wash away all the sad ones
Love you friend! You mean so much to us here!
oh you are too smart for your own good missy. lol either that of im slipping. Thank you I do appriciate that. I love doing my bit, and it makes me happy to know that something I say can help even just a little. xx
and for a bit of chat,
I find these moments of sadness and introspection can be good, if we remember that they are temporary, especially if it’s about memories. We aren’t stuck in that place, because life never stop, never freezes, not even if we feel like we’re not growing or accomplishing things we want to do.
I find it helps when I feel those moments of anguish to feel it fully, to think whatever thoughts need to be thought and felt, then remember that there has been moments other than just the pain and sadness, fear etc.
yes you are right, and what is nice although i still am finding it strange to open up but it is a good thing. it gets it out and you feel better for it. I have never been one to talk much about my feelings which is why therapy has never really worked for me, i hardly ever spoke. lol. I can talk about anything else, im an open book.
There have been so many more wonderful moments here than sad and I cant ever see that changing. Thanks Sita. you are a really special friend and bogabuddy xxx
I’ve known you just for half a year yet your impact is so felt and real already. You have this very soft yet vibrant energy within you that we can all feel whenever we have the joy to spend some time with you. You may not see it, but, we do. So I hope you’ll rely on our perception during times of doubts or sadness.
I get the urge of throwing yourself into HS because it gives a purpose, something meaningful. I’ve been doing this for a couple years and now I realize that I also need to learn to ease these urges, because whether we like it or not, we need to slow down sometimes, and allow ourselves to feel what needs to be felt. But sitting with ourselves is so difficult sometimes.
Lisa, just this half year, you have grown so much. I’ve seen you being somehow shy, insecure about making decisions or being proactive in your leadership at the beginning. And now I’m completely blown away by you whenever I see you suggesting something, giving your opinion, sharing your voice and just taking up space - as you deserve. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing someone so loving like you finding a place where they feel like belonging, so they can be their true self without any limitation. You bring so much to this community. Your love, your care, your presence, your contributions are immeasurable.
I wish this time of the year was joyful for you. I feel so much of your words tonight. The more Christmas is approaching, the more it gets difficult. We may know it, it’s still surprising somehow. I feel the grief of losses and 2022 is starting to be intimidating somehow. It’s more than likely to be an emotional storm for the couple weeks that follows, but you’ll make it through, one day after another. It can be turned into a time to simply rest and focus on the things you like, as much as possible.
Hi Lisa
I am sorry you are struggling. The truth is everybody struggles sometimes. Even the most cheerful and positive people. Don’t be afraid to ask for support and love when you need it Lisa. This is what this place is for. I know you want to seem happy and collected so you wount discourage others and things like that but it wount hurt anyone but yourself if you dont ask for help when you need it. I am glad that you decided to do so in the and. Thank you for your honesty and trust. I appreciate it very much.
Winter can seem very intimidating. It is for me at least. I myself have increased my antidepressant dosage recently because I felt worse. Statistical fact is that most suicide attempts happen around this time. That is because a lot of people feel more shitty. The lack of sun and other things have a huge effect on us. I know you feel bad but this wount last much longer. The days will be getting longer and a new year will bring hope with it. I wish you luck and happiness and I am sending you a lot of hugs . Bye.
My Beautiful Friend, I feel like I have known you all of my life and yet I still learn from you every single time we talk. I do feel like you understand me a lot, probably more than most and I have grown in the last few months, its never as much as you hope of course but its a definate improvement and for that I am so grateful as I have you @Danjo and @twixremix to thank for all of it, you all had that belief in me, that faith in this person who spent her time talking to birds not humans could actually get out there and do this. I will always be so grateful and that is why I will always do my very best for you. You three and now all the others here have shown me that there are people (actual humans) that I can and do care for very very much and they care too even when they are going through the toughest of times and the biggest of struggles. I would never have believed that and once you know it, you want to make sure that everyone knows what you now know, its the wierdest thing. Im sorry im waffling so much now. Im meant to be saying thank you. Thank you xxxxx
@Ashwell Thank you for your kind words always. You are right of course, we all have the right to share our worries and struggles, I am glad I did too as It got me a lovely message from you for one, I hope that the new year and end of winter littereally brings brighter days for both of us. And in the meantime we will have to continue with the hugs. You have a special place in my heart and I care for you deeply, your kind words are not taken for granted. Thank you so very much. xxx
lisa, my beautiful, compassionate, strong, thoughtful, hilarious, and wise friend (plus all the other adjectives i wrote in that list i sent you). i’m really glad you wrote on this forum asking for the support and love you need in this moment after helping SO many week after week. vulnerability, like we say in our forum responses, shows the world how strong people are and you are no exception. i’m really thankful to see so many coming to support you and how you can use this resource to take care of yourself as well. i hope you feel the love from around the world being sent your way.
reading this post made me feel even more connected with you, knowing the losses and mistakes i have also made in my life. it’s hard to look back and think of the horrible parts of the past and even finding the current time of life to be a disaster like you said. but my question to you is what would you like to change in your life? everything is possible (except like, really absurd things like finding the end of the universe or me trying fruitcake ) and having goals can drive someone to do anything to reach it. even if it’s just wanting more fulfillment in life, making a bucket list kinda thing can add more flavor to life! and if there’s anything i can help with, you know i’d help you with anything i can. so what all do you want from life to halt those negative thoughts about your past and focus on your bright, feather-filled future?
i agree with everyone replying on how much of an impact you’ve made in this heartsupport community, the growth you’ve had in leading swat groups, and how incredibly loved you are. i want you to be honest with how you’re feeling and when you need support because you know we will always be there for you.
i’ll end this long rambling by saying it’s no joke when i say “lovely lisa my fave” in chat. you are my favorite person to talk to in these communities we’ve found ourselves in (shout out to our bois kit and danjo for giving us all a platform to connect) and your personality and huge heart is irreplaceable. while my heart hurts that you’re hurting, i’m glad i can be in this thread of others sending you love and support. isn’t the internet awesome for that? you are my friend and if there’s anything i can help you with to make 2022 a better year, i got your back ALWAYS!
@twixremix - Twix, my mentor, partner in crime, my dear friend and a person with a dreadful choice in tea. thank you so much for all of those words. You always make me feel like I am doing well and I absolutely love my swat 3 meetings, I cant imagine ever not doing one, think you are well and truly stuck with me so thank heavens you do like me haha.Its a very strange situation the thing I feel I have failed at is being “normal” doing the “normal,woman” things and like I said to Rosie its frustrating because in the situaions I had im glad I didnt, What I didnt have was any chance to have a perfect little family and im not silly enough to think that exists but we all want things we cant have. I certainly never had that growing up and I think when you dont, you imagine that you may make it happen later in life, then you meet not so nice (in my case men) that have no intention of making a happy family with you and being a single parent was not on my radar so that was that and as i say im glad. I have a Holly and its meant to be but I didnt give my parents grandchildren, there is no, next generation and Christmas at the famiy table is now down to 3 people and thats pretty much my fault and Im too old to change that and thats ok but it doesnt stop me feeling guilty. So that is this weeks guilt trip, there are others but I think thats enough for today.
I of course insist you try fruitcake before the end of 2021 with a cup of proper tea of course. And my goals for next year thus far are helping to keep swat the best it can possibly be and letting as many people know as possible what Heart support is capable of.
My happy moment today is introducing you to Carlos. Im glad he could bring you the joy he has brought me for all these years. See you in swat 3. Love you so very much.
Your friend Always
Lisa
We are all here for you and will help you whenever you need us. I hope that you can find more peace in your everyday life. Try to look at the positive things that you have in your life!
Thank you for all the time and effort you spend helping others. Clearly it’s a huge sign that you have a genuine heart full of love to give, and if you ask me that means everything and makes you someone who is worth more than gold.
. Bye.
) and having goals can drive someone to do anything to reach it. even if it’s just wanting more fulfillment in life, making a bucket list kinda thing can add more flavor to life! and if there’s anything i can help with, you know i’d help you with anything i can. so what all do you want from life to halt those negative thoughts about your past and focus on your bright, feather-filled future?