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Feel like dying

This week has been nothing but a drag. I’ve gotten nowhere with my music and my relationship with my dad seems to be getting worse. He always seems to yell at me making me feel like a useless piece of dirt. On top of all this my depression has been getting the best of me. A few times I felt like dying and leaving this life forever. I feel like since my mom passed away no one has cared about me at all. No matter how I reach out to people I seem to find no one to talk to and left in a huge hole of depression and hatred.

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Hi RickyP…
I want to talk to you…
Please… tell me more… so I could talk to you more…
You are definitely not a dirt. And also, people still care about you even after they die.
We don;t hate you here. we think you are awesome. Also as for me since I know you are aperson who had been throught things I understand how your music would be so real .

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I don’t want to put you on the spot. But, how long has your father been treating you this way? Were your parents married when your mother died? Sometimes we project our feelings, especially our negative ones, towards others so as to not feel them at all. If he is yelling at you or treating badly it is a possibility that he is hurting just as you are. You lost your mother. He lost his wife.

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I know it’s not the same as being physically present, but I think sharing your feelings here might be helpful. Sometimes it’s hard to find someone with genuine empathy that you can talk with. However, there is empathy in abundance in this forum.

It sounds like your dad is having a hard time with his feelings, and he’s taking it out on you. You are not useless, and I’m pretty sure your dad knows that.

Are you under a doctor’s care for your depression? It’s hard to feel motivated and creative while being depressed. Depression affects concentration, so it’s not surprising that you’re having problems with your music.

When a depressed person reaches out to others for help, they are often disappointed, because others find it difficult to be around a depressed person. It’s very unfortunate, but often, that’s the way it is.

Your mom is a part of you. She loved you. She recognized that you were decent person. Don’t let your dad talk you out of believing that.

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To quote The Mountain by Three Dyas Grace,

  • Even when you feel like dying, keep climbing the mountain.

In this case, climbing the mountain is a metaphor used to mean persevering through life.
:mountain: Keep holding on.

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