I have suffered from crippling anxiety my whole life, and have suffered from depression since I was 13. When I was 22 I started taking medications for my anxiety, which alleviated it greatly and I felt like it was no longer controlling my life. But with anxiety out of the picture my depression became overwhelming. I felt hopeless, wasn’t able to hold any jobs, self-harmed, planned to end my life, ended up being hospitalized multiple times, etc. During my last hospitalization the doctors proposed a treatment for me that I had never heard of, TMS (transcranial magnetic simulation). It was a 6 week program that eliminated my depression almost entirely. I felt happiness for the first time in almost 13 years. I would be happy to expand on information and my experiences with TMS for others struggling with depression. But because of my crippling anxiety my whole life I feel I am socially awkward and underdeveloped. I have no friends and feel so alone. The only friend I have from my childhood moved across the country several years ago, so I never get to see him. I feel like I’ll never be able to enter into a relationship with someone. I haven’t been able to find a good job due to my poor work history due to my depression and not having any good references. I’m 26 and currently washing dishes part-time at a restaurant, even though I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in my state. I just feel like there’s nothing for me moving forward and I’ll never be able to live a happy life. I feel like I’ll be stuck just living off welfare with a minimum wage job and be alone for the rest of my life.
Please remember to live in patience with yourself. I cant imagine that anyone could expect you to develop an entirely new way of approaching the world since your TMS. Though I have never experienced TMS before myself, I have suffered depression and anxiety since elementary school. I imagine that suddenly feeling happiness would feel like shedding a blanket that you’ve always carried around your shoulders- almost naked. I absolutely have faith that you will adjust. Though it may be more difficult now, at least the opportunity to move forward is now before you!
~All the encouragement
Brady - thank you for sharing this and I’m glad to hear that you’re in a better place with your mental health.
I know that washing dishes isn’t the most exciting job in the world, but it’s still a job! Getting into any employment is a big step, especially for someone who has suffered with crippling mental illnesses for a long time. I know it feels like it’s impossible right now but you’ve said yourself - you have a friend that has moved away which means you HAVE done it in the past and so you can do it again. It might be that you have to start with just interacting with someone you work with so you can get comfortable with conversation and work up from there.
Is there any volunteer work that you could look into that relates to the qualification you graduated with? If so - maybe you could look into something around that. Is there any groups around you that you’re interested in that you could get involved with? Small things to just start the ball rolling for you.