Back to heartsupport

Feel lonely

I was in the hospital in june for 2 seizures and was in coma for 1 week heart rate at 25% was almost gone everything seems normal but my head i keep felling dizzy and stops me from having a normal life no one belives me doctor thinks im bs i cant even work because i feel like ima fall i wish someone understood what im going threw even my wife gets mad because she thinks its all bs i dont kno what to do no one belives me i feel worthless im getting tired of this life i dont think im ever going get better

2 Likes

Caddi209,

That’s so brutal to be in such a place of desperation but to feel like no one sees or believes you…to feel like you’re at the lowest you’ve ever been and people think you’re making it up…it feels like such a brutal place to be because even you don’t understand what’s going on, but you’re not making this shit up!! It feels like no one will be on your side, no one will come to your aid, no one will accept you as you are or try to lift you up in the midst of what feels like such an impossible place…and that’s such a brutal spot to be in because this is the time where you need those things the most, and yet it feels like people are almost even against you.

It can be so hard to communicate your needs in that time when it feels like people are going to make fun of you or brush you off when you voice them. So then you have these needs, but you feel embarrassed or afraid to express them, so you either do and risk the pain that way, or you try to do them by yourself, but risk the pain that way…so it feels like you’re in this constant space of anxiety, whether to be embarrassed or to be in need…or both…it just feels like a place of torture.

And you need others to help you in order to find relief…and so it just feels like you’re the only one and this isn’t ever going to get better.

Honestly man, sounds like hell. I’m so sorry you’re in that place.

2 Likes

Hey @Caddi209,

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been facing such important health issues recently. I can’t only imagine how scary it could be to have seizures and be put in a coma. I can’t understand how it feels to be in your position precisely, for sure. But I can relate to what you describe, in regards of seeing your capacities being reduced because of health difficulties. It is so hard to feel like you can’t do what you want nor even work as you’d like. I feel that.

I’m also sorry to hear that your wife doesn’t seem to understand. It can be hard for our beloved ones to get how it feels to deal with things that remain mostly invisible. It doesn’t mean that what you’re experiencing doesn’t matter. It is actually more than important. And maybe there is something to improve in the way you and your wife communicate together, because there can be a lot of emotions involved in this situation. Maybe it’s a matter of finding the right words, discussing at a more appropriate moment for both of you. Or maybe even trying to write her a letter so you take your time to find the words you want and reflect on how you feel, also to let her understand how she can help?

Despite all of this, if something is sure, it’s that you’re not worthless. I don’t know how it will be for you on a medical/health side, but know that you are among friends here. You’ll always be free to talk about what’s going on or you, to vent or even share your daily victories. You matter. You are important. And what you’re going through, what has been said to you, will never change that.

Hold fast. :heart:

1 Like

Thanks man for ur word but im done going doctors getting blood work done and never find anything thats the the issue the issue is in my head ima toss the towel tired of this 9 months with this im tired can take ot no more

1 Like

Yeah man, feels hopeless. 9 months is a long time to hold out hope for answers. It’s so hard to maintain buoyancy in your soul when it feels like life is trying harder to push you under.

1 Like

Man that’s rough. I’m sorry friend. I’d be really frustrated too. I know I’ve had a lot of moments where people didn’t take me seriously and I just felt really isolated in the things I had to face with my body. Health battles can be rough especially without support.

Sure hope you get feeling better friend. :heart: