Feel lost

I’ll be 30 this year and I feel unaccomplished. I’m the only one of my friends that’s single. I still don’t have any kids which is starting to freak me out. I’m the only one who actually wanted kids out of my friends but I’m the only one without any. I got promoted at work but I’m only making $22hr. I know that’s better than a lot of people and I’m grateful for my job I just feel like I haven’t lived up to my potential. I’ve never bought a new car. I have no idea how loans or credit work at all. I’m 29 and I do t even feel like an adult most of the time. Things that are common sense to everybody my age I have no clue about. Granted I didn’t have a normal upbringing. Crazy Pentecostal mom drug addict/alcoholic dad, in and out of boot camps/programs, no structure etc. but I know it’s no excuse. I just feel dumb asking other people about things I should know by now. I always get weird looks when I do. I still have no clue what to do with my life. I just feel like I showed up to the party when everyone else is headed home if that makes sense. I’m scared I won’t ever find a partner or have kids or if I do it will be with the wrong person. I’m scared I’m going to pour years of time into trying a career just for it to not work out. I’m terrified of wasting anymore time. I’ve let so much of my life just waste away working jobs that get me nowhere and putting time into relationships that weren’t fruitful. I just want to succeed. I’m willing to put in work I just don’t know what direction to go in and I don’t have anyone in my life I trust to get advice from. I love my parents but they’re just now starting to get their lives together in their 50’s. I’m so terrified that’s going to be me. I feel like a loser. I really do work hard but I feel like a dork. I watch anime and like to game. Which is a huge turn off to most women my age. I don’t know how to be a parent which limits me on dating single parents because who wants to trust their kid to someone who doesn’t have any of his own? I just feel stuck.

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Dude, 30 is so not the end of your life. I hear you saying you’re behind in career, and financially, and adulting skills, and romantically, and with building your own family, but there is so much life ahead of you. The fact you got promoted at work shows you have good skills to bring to the table at whatever industry you’re in-- maybe utilizing those strengths could help pave the way forward for you. I’m in a spot right now of figuring out how to get some form of career together and it’s incredibly daunting to try to decide what to do with the rest of your life. One thing I’ve been reminded of by a good friend, as I feel I am behind graduating college because I’ve taken a few leaves of absences and a gap year, is that either nothing is wasted or everything is. Either, all this time you have felt has just been treading water, or maybe you have been gaining new skills, been learning, been preparing yourself for what’s in your future. Cause your future can be whatever you make it-- in a year from now you don’t have to be in the same place you are today. There is no shame in asking for help or learning things at a time you feel is later than you should, cause you’d rather learn them at 29 than 59. Now is your time! As humans we are constantly changing, evolving, and growing. I bet, if you looked back at all you have been through you can see how far you’ve actually come. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot and you should be proud of just surviving-- cause that’s an accomplishment in itself! When we go through hugely traumatic things in life sometimes it pushes us into that freeze of survival mode. There is no shame of being in that place. I believe that you have what it takes to start to move forward on some of your goals! Baby steps. Slow but steady wins the race. If you decide just one small thing to change in your life it can change so much. You got this bud!

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I’m glad you reach out today, we’re here to help. I’m so sorry you’re feeling all of these emotions. This ideal life you have planned out for yourself is a wonderful blueprint but that’s all it is; A blueprint. I went all throughout school thinking I would have my first kid at 21 and it took me a while to realize that my life wasn’t destined to turn out that way. I still know nothing about loans, am nowhere near capable to be a parent, and have terrible taste in movies and TV shows. I know these are areas of my life that I’m far from exceeding in, but they do not define me and they don’t define you either. The promotion you write about sounds insane, you should be giving yourself a lot more credit. Your life does not have to be perfect in order for you to start living it. 29 is so so young, my mother didn’t have me until she was 38.
Many people struggle with the feelings of not feeling “adult” and being thrown into the deep end of life. The more people I meet, the more I find that that “adult” feeling never really hits us. I doubt that your friends around you have their lives entirely together. If you open up to them, you may be surprised to find that everyone feels lost and inadequate about some part of their life.
You’re far from a loser, you’re someone who is figuring out how your reality is playing into your goals. I encourage you to remind yourself that we’re all going through this life for the first time. You are so far from a failure, continue taking things day-by-day, giving yourself much leniency as you go. You are so loved, your future is far from over.

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Hey man! I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way. It’s super crushing to be working, yet feeling like you are gaining no ground. However, I want to encourage you. Don’t focus on your age. While there may be unwritten societal pressure to achieve certain things at certain times, there are zero rules as to when you must go through stages in your life. Some people move through them fast, and others take them in stride. This doesn’t make it easy when you see those around you accomplishing things you have yet to do, but I want to encourage you with the fact that you are not any less important, valuable, or desirable because you are on a different pace than those around you.

You mentioned that you have been promoted and work and that you are willing to put in the work. That is huge. Though you may feel that you’re falling behind, putting in that hard work is what will get you where you desire to be in life. You don’t need to pressure yourself with knowing what direction to go in. The truth is- nobody knows. We all take life one step at a time and follow the series of choices we make. You may not have bought a new car or have children, but that is perfectly fine for where you are now. You can spend this time choosing a path that interests you, dedicating yourself to it and working diligently, and then simply taking each step in life as it comes.

You don’t need to worry about planning your life out. You don’t need to worry about keeping up with the steps those around you are taking. If you can find a way to relieve yourself of that burden of planning out your future, you will free yourself to begin walking down a path of coming success. I believe in you and I can just tell that you are on the right path simply by your message. Best of luck with everything in your future, and we at HeartSupport are always here if you need anything. You are loved more than you know.

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I know exactly how you feel man, I hear you. Life is so short, and it’s so easy to stress over where we are, and where we’re going, especially when those surrounding us seem like they have it all figured out. At the young age that I am, I stress over the same exact things all the time. Each day within itself has so much potential, and I encourage you to stay hopeful that you will find your purpose, you truly do matter, and you WILL find that things will fall in line accordingly. All of us in life may be planted at the same time, but sprout in totally different seasons. Your time to sprout may not have come yet, but you are still growing and making progress. No time is wasted here, I’m proud of you. keep putting in your hard work, I’m rooting for you!

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I’m sorry that you are struggling but I’m so glad you reached out! I can understand your fear of the future and how that must seem overwhelming. Something that’s helped me when I’ve felt lost and like I’m one step behind all the people around me, is reminding myself to focus on the journey. We all have a unique purpose and path and I’ve found that when I compare myself to others around me it steals my joy and focus. When I focus on the things and interests that bring me joy and remember to take each day one at a time, I find more fulfillment. If we all had the same exact lives, and followed the same timeline and path, the world would be pretty boring! You have qualities and interests unique to you that make you special. What brings YOU joy and excitement? What comes naturally to you? Thinking about that has helped me find my own unique path. Remember that comparison is the thief of joy and that focusing on the next best step can help when feeling overwhelmed. I believe in you and believe that you will find your path because you work hard, are aware and willing to reach out. You’ve got this!

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