You ever feel like you just want to be honest with your lover? And then when you pursue it, things only get worse. I’m in a position where no matter how calm and respectful I approach my lover, she responds with anger and pain. I’m under the impression this is because she is afraid to feel and take on the suffering head on. I know talking things out is very difficult. However, lately it seems like I’m just walking on eggshells with her. Everything just triggers her. This is started to frighten me and make me feel like I’m dangerous. Despite me feeling this way, I know this can’t be true. I need advice and encouragement. I am feeling exhausted and drained.
That’s really hard. Especially since communication is really important. Somehow, maybe you can just gently express to her that communication is really important. In order for a relationship to work, you have to be able to talk. Maybe let her express her mind a little and be open to what she says. And then share with her what’s going on with you. Let her know that you don’t want to feel like you are walking on egg shells. It’s good to be able to open and honest with each other. It’s how relationships are nourished and keep going.
I’m not sure how old you guys are or what all is going on. But I hope and pray that you are able to find a way to connect with her and work things out. Sending you lots of love
Thank you for taking the time to respond. I agree with everything you are saying and under normal circumstances, it would work. Although, I actually attempted to do just that and it was an emotional disaster. She blew up and once again, told me to leave her alone. The difficult part here is that I’m expected to wait for her to come to me. That’s hard to believe when it comes to someone who looses track of time or acts like everything is “okay” all the sudden. Unfortunately, I struggle with the ability to sleep at all when things are uneasy between us. However, my best move here is to be patient and wait for her when she is ready. Need prayer for strength and peace. I’m trying here.
That’s very hard. Relationships can’t function like that. ):
Might need to set some boundaries and standards. A relationship can’t work if the other person isn’t willing. It’s a two way street. If she isn’t willing to work on the relationship and communication, how can you grow, improve and heal?
I’m really sorry my friend. Sounds like maybe another conversation may need to take place that is expressing that something needs to happen or…well, it just kinda puts you in a yucky position. That’s not fair.
I truly hope you guys can work it out. That’s not easy. Be as gentle as you can, but don’t be afraid to set some standards and boundaries.
@Tyler777 communicating is a very important factor to a happy and healthy relationship. I think that you should try letting her know you feel even though she may get upset. You could try writing her a letter so that she can read it on her own time and be able to process everything that you said. If that doesn’t work, maybe you should try giving her space so that she can deal with everything that she has going on. Don’t forget to make yourself happy as well.
Communication is undoubtedly the key to any healthy relationship. Thankfully, despite the difficulties to getting through to her, I decided to focus on myself and simply wait for her to process her thoughts and anger. After some time, she did approach me with love and communicated effectively. Moving forward, understanding her struggle with anger, I have to give her the space to recover before any conversation can take place.
In moments where I feel like I NEED to speak but can’t make it clear enough for her in the moment, writing a letter could be a really good suggestion. I’ll keep that in mind next time. Thank you for your input.
@Tyler777 I hope that all works out. If you feel that you need to talk to someone this is a great place to do so. Feel free to put as much as you would like on here.
I’m bipolar so I struggle sometimes with anger and frustration and I cannot communicate when I’m feeling angry. So I make it a point to tell anyone that needs to talk, that I need time to clear my head. Then I’ll take some time to recollect myself before I talk.
I’m glad that she expressed this. And I’m glad you received her. It’s important to try to talk when you’re not full of anger or negative emotions. Don’t ignore and put a subject off, but waiting till you’re feeling better is okay. Then talk later.
I’m glad it worked out
That’s so interesting you mention bipolar because I tend to forget that she is also bipolar. This explains a lot when she is feeling a certain way and how difficult it really is to communicate. Thank you for sharing this and responding!
That makes a lot of sense then. It’s very hard battling BPD when those around us don’t understand.
My previous marriage suffered a lot because my ex husband didn’t put a lot of effort in understanding the disorder or how to help me through it. In fact, he often made it worse. Sometimes intentionally.
My current partner is patient and understanding and tries very hard to allow me the space when I need it, then listens when I talk. We always communicate our feelings but he’s very good at letting me wait till I can communicate in a better mindset.
Learning about BPD and how to help with it is one of the good things you could do for your relationship. Asking her how you can help and react and handle certain things helps a lot. It’s the best way you can learn. That way in the future you’re more prepared.
I couldn’t agree with you more. Thank you so much for your advice and sharing your personal experiences as well. It’s been very helpful. Much love