So since there’s no streams today I’m going to go ahead and put my thoughts that have been on my mind here since there’s so much that I need to get off my chest…
So the past few days I have been feeling very weird… idk if it’s mental exhaustion, if I’m coming down with something (again) or if I’m just drained bc I’m trying so hard to be a good person and I’m just failing at it…
While I understand that not having a job to support yourself at the moment is frowned apon I just hate that that’s how I’m being labeled rn… I do all I can to still keep up with my responsibilities around the house but I often either forget to do them entirely or I do them and there’s always something I’m missing. Whenever that happens my dad gets so mad thinking I do it on purpose. Whenever I confront him about the issues we have been having he says I make him out to be the bad guy. During times like this I just feel completely useless… Like I’m not good for anything, I am a burden to everyone and there isn’t anything I can do to reverse things.
I just really want things to get better and keep getting better. Not get better for alittle bit and go back to being bad at one slip up…
As of rn I’m really starting to lose hope in alot of things… I’m at a point where I just want to cry and not stop for a while…I haven’t even been sleeping well bc of it…
Hey @Andy, thank you so much for being here and for sharing. That takes so much strength, so I truly thank you and I am so glad that you are here. I am sorry to hear about the things you are going through because that sounds so difficult.
I can at least somewhat relate to what you are going through. I have been feeling just mentally exhausted and life just seems dull. It feels like it takes so much effort just to get through the day and I spend most of my free time just going from distraction to distraction and then feeling guilty about not really doing anything. I feel like I’m kind of wasting my life (at least according to the world’s standards of performance), but struggle to find the energy to really do anything about it. And then I just kind of feel pathetic because I feel like I should be doing more. It leads to a vicious cycle of not feeling like I’m enough. Not sure if you can relate to that, but just wanted to share a little bit about where I’m at so that you know that you’re not alone.
Something that has helped me is realizing that my worth is not definite by others and that I have inherent worth and value and I deserve to be loved. I have also realized that my feelings are valid and that I should not feel bad for feeling them. I have also found that just having community to talk to about these things has been really helpful for me, so I am really glad you’re here and feel free to DM me if you ever just need someone to talk to.
I don’t have all the answers and I am still working/struggling with a lot of this, but you are not alone in this and I’m sending some good vibes your way
Hey there, Andy I’m glad you’ve been feeling a bit better since posting this and that you know the wall is a great outlet when you cannot talk about things during streams. It’s so wonderful having you as part of the community.
Some people look down on others for not having a job but sometimes it just isn’t a good thing for people to be in a work environment when they aren’t doing great, and that is absolutely okay. I hope that you find the strength to get a job when you feel able and you are able to find a good fit for yourself. As long as you keep trying to make the world a little better and help out with your family then you are doing wonderfully. Even though you forget sometimes or make mistakes you are still trying and that’s what matters. And it is always nice to be in a situation where you can take some time away from work when you need to and still have security and support. I know you do not get along great with your family and your relationship with your dad especially is a bit turbulent but hopefully he is able to see that you are trying and you are still contributing to keep your house together and care for things.
Please remember that crying is not a bad thing and sometimes it can really help to get those emotions out of you so that you can process whatever is making you want to cry and feel a little freer afterwards. Tears are not always the enemy people make them out to be. It’s a part of being human to feel and to express ourselves in whatever way feels natural.
I hope you continue to feel a bit better each day and I look forward to reading your future updates either here or on streams. Hang in there, friend, you’ve got this
Hey Andy, thanks for using the wall to talk about how you’re doing and feeling. Your original post was a couple of days ago and I’m glad you’re saying that you have been recovering for a little while. That’s also something that is worth celebrating.
The stuff you mentioned in your message is very recognisable. It’s things that we all try to beat ourselves up about, often not even needing someone else’s help with doing that. You don’t have a job even though you want one, or are trying to get one. Then the stuff you are able to do and actually do are being dismissed, like it didn’t even matter. The thing is though, you still did those things, and you are allowed to be happy that you did that. It’s okay to forget things sometimes, we all do that. I hope you don’t beat yourself up about that, because it happens. And we all have different ways to try to remember the things we need to do. Some have to write everything down, others keep a small colour coding journal which shows them what to do next, the third one might make a song on the chores they need to do. It can all be useful in its own way.
You are not a burden to anyone, you’re struggling. There is a difference in that and I hope you know that or that we can remind you that you’re loved and worthy of everything here.
Hold fast! <3
My dear friend, I understand how you feel. I too have no way of helping sustain my family with money. I too have to work in the house, often making mistakes, oftentimes angering my parents, who think I did it on purpose, having no way to explain it to them right, my words being misunderstood, feeling like I’m accidentally gaslighting my parents, or making one of them the bad guy, angering them further, and feeling so physically uncomfortable and mentally overloaded that I do not want to wake up in the morning, but not being able to get to sleep at night. I’m just living through it. Because I struggle as you do, I have no advice to give. I can only tell you this: you are not alone.
Pengyou