I woke up today feeling a bit down and depressed. Don’t get me wrong there are days where I feel better than how I’m feeling today, but somehow I still bring myself down. On my last post I had talked about how I wish I can fix things with the person I love. Don’t get me wrong we have talked and we are hanging out but it’s hard knowing I can’t hug her and kiss her how I used to before. I understand that trust has to be build up again, but how do I know when it will be okay to just give up and know I tried everything I could do? Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful that after everything I did and all the mistakes I did she still managed to see me and try to make it work. When I text her I don’t expect a reply, when I tell her I love you I don’t expect a reply because I know my actions haven’t shown her that but I really do. And every time I sit here in this house surrounded by these 4 walls alot of stuff go through my head. What if she’s lying? What if she’s just getting back at me. Scenarios go through my head, and that’s what destroys me. I’ve managed to stop drinking in order to make the pain go away, but I just want to go back how I was theses past 5 years. Where I was happy all the time. Where I didn’t care who I lost as long as it wasn’t this girl I’m in love with. Sometimes work is the best place where I can go to distract my mind and when I’m there I forget about everything. So my question is do I just miss the company? I know I need friends because honestly I gave up everyone for her. I just want to get back out there and meet people. Meet friends but I’m just afraid of rejection I guess.
I feel you. I’ve been in that spot exactly and know what you’re going through…it really sucks not knowing what can happen, and all the voices and “what ifs” that burn through your mind don’t help at all.
I think you have a good grasp that repairing relationships will take time. I know it hurts when all you want is things to go back to normal, but I encourage you to be patient and supportive of her. The hard truth is you will never really know exactly what’s going on or how things may end up…but that doesn’t mean you need to go through these times alone.
Go out and seek other things that you’re passionate about. It’s not easy to do this (trust me, it’s really hard for me to get out when I’m down), but what worked for me was finding a place of love and support with friends and family, and even solitude. Walking around in nature alone helped me calm myself—I was going crazy staying at home alone.
Time will tell what happens. I know there’s a really tall and harsh mountain ahead, and the way to get over it is to start with one step. It might take a while, but slowly and steadily you’ll overcome it. Again, you needn’t do it alone—we’re here for you and you’re more than welcome to let us know how you feel.
Thanks for sharing. I hope something I said helps!
@erick_ocampo, I know how you feel, of rejection of feeling alone. You are not as alone as you think. I know you are afraid, but nothing ever great in life is easy. You have to work hard, and have courage. I believe in you. There are kind people out there. If you get rejected, at least you will know. Remember, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Some people may just not understand you, that’s their problem. And you’ve had issues, but those issues cannot dominate your life completely. I believe there is more to you, like how much you love that girl. Try being more honest with her, how you miss her, how you feel these days. Have faith in yourself.