Feeling bleh and stuck

I go to warped tour this Friday August 3, only thanks to HeartSupport and im feeling nervous and scared. Nervous that I wont be good enough to help people and scared I’ll get judged. I just…everything is really rough at home to the point that I almost relapsed this past weekend.

Between my dad and sister mocking me, my brother stealing food that i bought for myself, and my mom ignoring the whole thing i just cant take it anymore. Im sick of them making me feel like shit , use my money , and just make my life a living hell. And i have no escape really because i dont have a car or any friends in state to go hang with. I know that I could get out and walk , which would be fine and dandy if I didn’t have a chronic illness that made my life hell.

I just I want to die honestly cause things are not getting better, nothing is getting better and I try so hard to change things. But than it goes to hell.

Friend - don’t be scared. You’re going to be in a place full of love, joy and music. I know what it’s like to not be able to escape a toxic situation - I’m in the same position right now. Until I can drive it isn’t an option and I deal with thoughts of wanting to die a lot too. Reach out to this community on the discord, in the streams or even just posting on here because it’s thanks to HeartSupport I have been able to make the changes in my life I never thought I could. We’re here for you. We love you. It will get better. One step at a time.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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What is the discord? I keep hearing about it but don’t know what or where it is.

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here it is

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One day you’ll walk out and get away from them. Don’t let them think they can control you, or kill you. You can do this. And you could do something great with your life, something that could help others. Don’t give up on those people, or yourself. Keep your claws sharp, and stay strong.
We are here, and we will give you strength.

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Hey @Aleister,

I’m jealous that you get to go to Warped! You’ll have a great time. It’s normal to feel a sense of anxiety building up to a huge event, so what you’re feeling is completely normal. For me, I usually have anxiety upon a huge event, but almost always during/after the event, I feel wonderful and I have a great time. I’m sorry to hear about your current situation within your family. One day it’ll get better - You’ll be able to move out and start your own life. Until then, hold on. We’re here to support you, and we want to see you beat this!

-Eric

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Thank you so much for the kind words! I just things are really rough right now and sometimes it’s hard to see the light. But i guess maybe if i start getting involved on here again more, things will be a little more easier to handle.

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