Feeling Caged

I don’t feel like a real person. I’m in a middle of a breakdown. This quarantine forced me to stay with my family for an entire month and I can’t stand it. It feels like I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost my independence and my freedom. I’ve lost my job. I’ve been living at my university since fall last year and it feels like everything has been ripped away from me. I can’t stay over with friends anymore. I can’t be with the people I want to anymore. Everything just hurts and it’s so overwhelming. I lost my routine and my happiness. I’m 19 years old and I still feel coddled like an big baby. I just wanted to stay with my partner since we both have some time before our summer semesters start and the reality of potentially building my self esteem and bringing back some normalcy to my mental state finally hit. I’m meant to stay in this house forever. i can’t get out. No car. I can’t rely on friends because of the pandemic to take me places. I’m just trapped. I’m expected to be this uptight, religious, perfect daughter but it’s not who I am. I hate being here. I just want out. I hate relying on my parents so much. I don’t feel like a real person because the person I want to be is not who they want me to be. I want to break out. I haven’t interacted with anybody in over a month and I can’t stand this anymore. I’m sorry for rambling so much but this is too intense.

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It’s okay to share your heart on here. I could agree this quarantine sucks but it might get better.

hey friend,
I know exactly how you feel. I’m in a similar situation, and I understand where you’re coming from. This is a very weird and difficult time, and it’s easy to feel trapped and feel like you’ve been stripped of your freedom and independence. Can you maybe start to slowly create your own quarantine routine? Maybe getting out of the house and going on like a 30 minute walk in the morning or whenever you feel like you need a break would really help you clear your mind and just give you some space.
You aren’t meant to stay in that house forever. I promise you that this will pass and things will get better. It’s normal to feel these emotions and I want to encourage you to let yourself feel these emotions but not get wrapped up in them and let them take over your mind. It’s okay to acknowledge what’s going on, but letting yourself spiral and think about the thousands of things that could go wrong just isn’t worth it, you know? I totally understand wanting to be with your partner, and basically anyone else besides your family. You are a college student, and this whole pandemic can make you feel like you’re back to being a baby again. But maybe creating your own routine and exploring some hobbies/activites could give you some sort of independence back and make you feel more in control, you know?
hang in there, everything will be okay :heart: