I was honestly feeling a little better, in the past few days. But now I just feel like crying again. I was talking to one of my closest friends a few days ago, venting about some stuff with my mother. And she just kept on saying “You will understand, once you have kids”
I am extremely scared to talk to my mother about anything related to my depression or self-harm. The amount of times she yelled at me for not feeling well… it made me scared of everything I say, when it comes to that topic. That’s not how it’s supposed to be, right? I should feel safe, when I talk to her. But I don’t. One time, she saw my cuts and started yelling again. Of course, I understand that it’s more than a shock to see your child hurting themselves. But yelling doesn’t make it any better, right?
Just like, I don’t have a good relationship with most if my relatives. My grandparents from my fathers side are both dead. They were the only ones I could’ve turned to. I barely see my aunt and uncle and don’t feel like I cam trust them either. And my mothers parents… I don’t like them at all. They pretty much neglected my mother, when she was a kid. I really don’t want anything to do with them. My father works all day and I don’t like talking to him about that kind of stuff either. I just really feel like I have no one to turn to, when it comes to family problems…
The important thing is you want to start somewhere talking about self harm and depression. Even if your mom can’t help directly, is there a way she could help, as in therapy if you’re interested? Insurance usually covers some type of it. You can even make it known to her that you aren’t looking to talk and just want to let some things out. I’d say if you have siblings they may be able to understand your situation as well. I can imagine she was afraid of you getting hurt more and overreacted when she knew about the self harm.
I am already in therapy, but i can’t build up courage to talk to my therapist about it. Especially since my parents are always around and could overhear me talking(i can only see the therapist over videochat). And I don’t have any siblings, no
Is there somewhere else you can go to do your video sessions? Or let them know you need to do that in privacy