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Feeling drain and kinda trapped again

Everyday this week I’m feeling anxious about losing my job. It has good pay, benefits, and retirement. It basic janitor job, however I suck at doing everything.

Im pretty dumb person, that been lucky in someway to make it through. It wasn’t for my family, I would be dead on the street corner. Honestly, I don’t deserve this job, cause I’m because my mom and luck.

Im trying to be honest and some people may not believe, but do try to work hard. Cause I have to do two buildings in 8 hours and don’t really get a break. I feel drain as fuck each night and not using my DBT skills as wisely.

My boss has been telling teacher have complaints about my work, she getting annoying or hate me at this point. Im worrying losing everything I work hard for.

To be don’t care if I do a good job, cause I feel god forbid if your not perfect. It never enough for some people or American capitalists standards. I sick putting self worth into degrading jobs.

Im not good at working, I have no skills and I don’t care.

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You’ve been on the job for quite a while now, so it seems that you might be doing better than you realize.

The longer you are there, the better you will be at doing your job. I did full time janitorial work for about seven years, and part-time for about three years. It usually took a few months at each new location before I could do the job well and quickly.

I think jobs that involve shift work very often are draining. When I worked an afternoon shift, usually around five or 6 o’clock, I’d hit a wall of exhaustion. On the midnight shift, that wall would come between midnight and 3 AM. Then, when I got off of work, it was super hard getting to sleep. I usually survived by taking frequent short naps.

No one is perfect, even though many pretend they are. I guarantee you, there is nothing degrading about being a janitor. Without janitors, it wouldn’t be long before the world came to a grinding halt, diseases would spread, and economies would crash.

You are not dumb. It does seem that you have some difficulty with communication, but the meaning behind your words provide evidence that you are sensitive, and reasonably intelligent. Sadly, you have been misled to believe that you are not smart.

You have already faced a lot of challenges, and survived. You are becoming stronger and wiser.

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hard work is worth all the self respect, all the value. You wake up, get dressed and go make the world LITERALLY a better, cleaner, safer place. NEVER underestimate how much good you’re doing!!

Have you tried making a checklist of all the cleaning tasks you have to do? I remember once as a group we made and laminated a checklist, still forgot one items we always needed, and without fail, we NEVER remembered that one item because it was not listed.

Have a list that you can check off as you go about cleaning and tidying up so it’s less mental energy needed to remember it all. You’ve been there a while, and even with all these anxieties, you’re still out there, earning your honest dollar with hard work.

That deserves a lot of praise. You deserve a lot of praise too. You’re getting better and stronger mentally as you continue to try. Keep it up and we’ll always be here to help you through it, friend!

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi @Metalskater1990 You keep putting yourself down and telling us how bad you are at your job, but you still have your job. If you were not doing your job like they required you to, then they would have fired you a long time ago. You’re not dumb, not at all. You got this! ~Mystrose

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello, friend! You’ve had this job for a while so I think you are better at it than you think and you are not giving yourself enough credit. You haven’t been fired yet and you are doing your best. That’s all we can do. And honestly cleaning two buildings in 8 hours sounds like a lot of work they expect from you. So many jobs expect people to work at super human speed sometimes which is not realistic. If you are not happy with your job then you can always look for something that would make you happy while you continue your current work. Even if it is just another janitor position. If it makes you happier then you should go for it. I think you have more skills than you are giving yourself credit for and I hope you find some self-confidence. You are trying and that’s the most important thing. Good luck out there :hrtlegolove:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, I would like to first say that I do not think for one moment that you are not dumb at all. Your job is not degrading it’s a worthwhile job that you are doing, it’s a job that if it was not done would cause a huge amount of problems and any job like that is an important job. I remember when you started this job and its been quite a while now and you didn’t think you would be able to keep it because you didn’t think you were able to do it and yet here you are still doing it to the best of your ability so I am proud of you for that. I wish you could be kinder to yourself. I hope you have a good Christmas friend. Much Love Lisa

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From: SuchBlue

Hi @MetalSkater1990, You are not dumb. The good thing is that you are trying your best to deliver up to the expectations, which I believe you are! Nobody is perfect, and it is perfectly fine not to be. You wouldn’t be where you are right now if you weren’t intelligent enough. It can be draining but I’m sure that you can get through this and keep building up experience while you’re working at the same time. :hrtlegolove: ~SuchBlue

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Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. ive felt that way in a job of mine before.
but, it seems like you might be more skilled than you think. youre still there and pushing through. thats a lot to be proud of. take every step as a learning opportunity and try to walk into work with a level of confidence. even if you may not feel it, it will work. and over time youll start believing it. try not to be so hard on yourself. everyone starts somewhere. youre not dumb. be kinder to yourself. positive self talk is a wonderful tool to make a habit of. you got this. more than you know. :black_heart:

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