Feeling Fictional

I lately find myself becoming distant from friends and family. I know I am too young to do a lot of things and some may believe I am not even old enough to have a true existential crisis, but I’m feeling like I may not even be a real person. I have volunteered with heartsupport for several campaigns but never really had a true impact or provided anyone with genuine, valuable, direct help. I feel like I’ve never really impacted anyone, even the people close to me in my life, and I’m not sure if that’s such a bad thing. From the outside, most people can see just another privileged little teenager sometimes creating my own ghosts in a hunt for attention. But I am only hunting for some sort of meaning. I can’t be a valuable person as an individual, so why should I get to take up the space? Put someone else on this earth who will make their own decisions and find value in themselves so that others can do the same. I don’t even know if I’m here or real or if anyone is reading this (although I do know how fantastically hard the SWaTs work) or if my issues are even ground worth covering. Even if I can’t find somewhere that I feel like I belong, right now I’m just longing to feel something, or feel like I am somewhere. If you read this, thank you for your time. I apologize for filling it up with my hormonal teenage existential nonsense and wasting it.

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You are valuable. I can relate to a lot of what you said. I think what was important for me when I was trying to find self worth was finding something that I was passionate about. For a long time I felt really empty and worthless and I had nothing building me up, just people and things that broke me down. Be it art, writing, music, a sport, or whatever else you are passionate about express yourself thought that. Hopefully this helps :slight_smile:

Hold fast,

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Friend - thank you for posting this. You are not a waste of space. By volunteering with Heart Support you’re impacting a lot of people’s life by making their work possible. You are directly impacting lives by just writing this out on the wall. I can say with confidence there are people here feeling similar feelings. By reading your post they know they’re not alone - that someone actually understands them and that’s a HUGE thing.
Never apologise for posting here and reaching out. You are worth helping and you deserve to happy. You are loved. You are valuable. You ARE helping people.

Hold fast


Hey @Bschatz01,

I’m terribly sorry that you’re feeling this way. First off, know that you’re not alone if you feel fictional or that you’re not a real person. There’s actually this condition called “Depersonalization-derealization” which is basically just a fancy way of saying that you might persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you’re observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren’t real, or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing and may feel like you’re living in a dream. Many people have a passing experience of depersonalization or derealization at some point.

Secondly, just because you feel like “just another privileged teenager” does NOT devalue the demons that you’re fighting, and it does NOT mean that you’re hunting for attention. In fact, the more “attention” you create, the better, because the last thing you want to do when you’re struggling is to stay silent. Wreak havoc! You’re strong. You’re a fighter. Thank you for reaching out; please keep us updated!




First off you are as real as I am. Second off, I felt the same way after I volunteered for Tourmakers this year so I totally feel you. I was told by someone that no matter what that what you did actually did help others. It’s hard to see but you do change lives everytime you help HeartSupport.

You mean a lot to those who have lives because you saved them. I keep that in my head everytime I do work for my SWaT team. Everytime I say something on my stream, at the HS Tent at Warped Tour. I know I’m changing lives and changing how people converse about mental illness. It’s meant to be open, honest, and to be brave.

You posting this also helps because it gives what you are thinking no power over you any longer. Once you find what you are looking for, you’ll know it and you will feel it in your gut.

Hold Fast,
PMacDanceDude (Patrick) Team Out of the Ashes

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