Feeling Homesick and Seasonal depression

I’m feeling lost. My seasonal depression is kicking. I also moved over the summer and while things were going great, I’m starting to feel homesick. I don’t feel like eating. I have unwashed dishes all over my kitchen. The thought of cleaning sounds beyond exhausting. I don’t feel like connecting with anyone. I wish I could tell someone about this other than my therapist, but don’t want to bother people. I don’t like being weak.

3 Likes

Hey @Rosethorn,

You are not weak. You’re actually very strong for deciding to reach out despite the fear of being a burden. It may feel less “real” as conversations here are online and with some strangers, but still it’s real conversations happening between real people. It matters. And your voice matters.

I can feel that my depression is worse during autumn and winter too. Overall when the days are shorter and darker. I can’t tell if it’s a seasonal depression on the top of the one I already have… And probably don’t really want to know as it wouldn’t change anything to me. But all of this to say: I get it. Depressive cycles are the worst. And being influenced by the weather and amount of light outside while others don’t is unfair. You see yourself more and more unmotivated, tired, gloomy and sad. Nothing is really interesting anymore, not even your most basic needs. What you are going through and describing are all obvious manifestations of this seasonal depression, including these thoughts of being a burden or weak. Being aware of all of this and how it affects you is really, really good.

Has your therapist been helping you to cope with your symptoms? Since you have a very clear perspective regarding how you feel, they would be easily equipped to support you and help you take some small steps.

Getting your head above water during a depressive episode is all about this: small steps. Reducing your commitments to the very minimum required, and nothing more. It’s a little bit like having a level of energy that’s reduced. Our actions and decisions have to be smaller so we don’t spare the little energy we have to things that are not essential. For example, you don’t have to do all the dishes at once. Just try to wash a plate and one other thing for today. Then repeat tomorrow. Little by little, you will have tackled this task without exhausting yourself. Same with eating: start little. It doesn’t have to be perfect for now, yet a meal during the day will be better than zero.

Be kind to yourself during this difficult time. You’re not at fault for struggling. You deserve all the love and care possible right now. :hrtlegolove:

4 Likes

This is helpful. Thank you. I feel so much slower in pace than normal. I tell myself I want to get out but I feel so sluggish. I know I want to go to a park but the drive there even sounds exhausting. I hate the holiday season just because it always makes me feel empty.

I did get a few dishes done.

3 Likes

Hey well done for the dishes! That’s a step forward. I should follow your example today. :blush:

As for going outside, that would be nice! Walks give the best feeling. But the first step is the hardest. If I could I would have a daily walk, but… haha. The practice is a struggle.

Again, small steps though. The main goal is to manage to put a foot outside, and after that it’s going to be easier as you’d be already there. So you can try to facilitate the steps until you are out. Put your shoes in a place easy to acces/that you would come across during the day. Prepare ahead, when you are walking where you live for some reason, like from one room to another, some very comfy clothes that are super easy to wear. Again, at a spot super easy to access. And aim for just stepping out, crossing the front door. Litterally just that. Once you’re there, you’ll decide if you feel okay to walk in the neighbourhood or not. And in any case, it would already be a victory! :slight_smile:

3 Likes

Hi Rosethorn
Well done with the dishes. Even small steps like that are amazing when we feel depressed and down. Good job. :wink: Just wanted to ask you if you are taking any medication and if yes if it has any effect. If an antidepressant is not working you can talk to your doctor about changing the dosage or changing the medication entirely. There is no point in taking something that does not help or makes things worse. Going out might be a great idea. Even if it is a small walk. Every step you take is a victory. :slightly_smiling_face:

2 Likes

i take two medications: one for anxiety and one for depression. I guess I should talk to my doctor about it. I ordered food today and decided to walk to pick it up. It was nice to step out and get a little sun.

2 Likes

I took a small walk and picked up food since I don’t have the energy to cook. The sun helped a little. I did put on some regular clothes so I’m not wearing what I slept in. It also helped a little. My therapist told me to try and enjoy some fall activities

2 Likes

That is good. Eating and trying to go for a short walk. That is all great. Enjoying the small things is very important. Honestly small things are so valuable to me. They are the thing that helps me through most of my days. Be kind to yourself. You are trying to make progress and it is hard but you are doing it. Babysteps. Dont lose hope in yourself. You are stronger than you think. :slightly_smiling_face:

1 Like