Feeling Hopeless and Alone

This is the first time sharing on the support wall. Just want to say thanks to heart support for having this as a avenue to encourage and be encouraged. Growing up I struggled deeply with feeling and being alone. My father worked weeks at a time, my mom was depressed, and my sister would lock herself in her room or go way to school. Needless to say, I was alone a lot. I struggled through out being a teenager and my early twenties with self-esteem, approval, and deeply rooted depression. I had too much pride to seek help and often when I tried to go where I thought I could find it like friends or church I didn’t get it. It was dark for me.

Over the course of these years I tried fullfilling my life by joining and forming bands that failed, bodybuilding and competitive weightlifting until my body began to give out, countless relationships with girls, and chasing money by getting too many jobs at once. All this began to bring me to such a dark place that I played with the idea of suicide many times, cut, drank myself to sleep, worked out till I couldn’t think, and too stimulants so much that I would “be happy”. Darkness reigned. This was all during the time I was a Christian.

But deep down I knew God and I knew something had to change.

One day in Seminary I was reading my Bible and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He told me that I was no longer a monster, a fake Christian, a guy who had to be a superhero, or even be close to perfect. He told me and reminded me I was a son of the living God. I was forgiven and redeemed. It wouldn’t take years to be forgiven but it would to heal so I should put down my guard and just be real to get healing to happen.

It was amazing and tough. The amazing part was for up till that moment in my adult life I now didn’t feel alone. I felt like a child of God and not just a “Christian”. This opened up my heart and mind to all sorts of healing. It also spurred on a new way of healing honesty. Recently I started reading mountains by Jake Of Heart Support. It is such an encouragement to see another guy about my age wanting the world to meet Jesus honestly and authentically as God has prompted me to be daily by loving myself and others with the healing and hope-filled Gospel of Jesus Christ. The tough part of all this is that I am more than ever put down by the left and right extremes of our church and regular worlds. The real question I ask myself is do I want to keep healing in Christ’s grace everyday or do I want to be alone because when I don’t simply learn or talk about God then I now get to know Him.

This for me was the key of Hope to unlock my heart from the chains of loneliness and depression. It was to walk with Jesus and never look back. And enjoy some sweet breakdowns while I’m walking.

I pray that anyone who reads this is encouraged and motivated to seek help and Jesus in your time of pain and need. Don’t give up even when your trying to find relief. I almost did so many times and often asked God to take my life away from me. He always replied with the same two things: 1-John, I’m not done with you yet. Stop asking me to leave when you aren’t living yet. 2-you’re not a waste, your my son and I love you and will never leave you alone.

God bless you.

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Hey friend,

First off, I am so glad you are here. Thank you for sharing this- it is not taken for granted, we cherish this.

I encourage you to keep going- keep fighting. I know what it is like to just want to isolate when we get down, or when we hit moments of intense negative emotions. It’s hard. You have shown that it is possible to keep going through those times, and rise above.

I’m glad that you’re still here- and I’m glad that you continue to fight. I am so glad you can remind yourself of those truths in that time of intense emotion- it is inspiring to see that.

I hope you continue to fight and make it through this journey; it is not an easy one, but you have displayed that you can make is. You are brave and strong. We believe in you. We are here for you no matter what.

Hold fast.

With love,
Lyss (ur old pal Blurryface)

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Hey @Jay1765,

Thank you for reaching out! Growing up without the structure of healthy support can be devastating during early childhood development. I, too, grew up without a father figure, so I also encountered self-esteem/approval issues, on top of a sense of anxiety and depression. Luckily my 5th grade Sunday School teacher stepped up and took me under his wing as a mentor and accountability partner. Still, the gaping hole persisted.

One thing that I’ve found that helped sooth my feelings of hopelessness and loneliness is to get involved at a church that suits you best via volunteering in any department. I’ve met my lifelong friends by doing this, and when I moved states, this was one of the first things I made sure to did - to find a healthy church, to get connected, and to make friends.

You have a good head on your shoulders. We believe in you!

-Eric

Thank you for posting this @Jay1765.

This is something that I really needed to hear. I’ve been dealing with depression and loneliness and it has really devastated my life. Your post has really encouraged me.

Much love.

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