I don’t have any energy to write. My first house conflict after moving in. I feel like those are bound to happen when you move in. I’ve seen my boyfriend go through it when he lived with my family and the same with my brothers fiancee. Now I’m with my boyfriend’s bio father (I say that because he has a dad that was primarily active in his life) and his family. I feel so stressed.
His bio father texted his mom about issues he has with us and it gave me flashbacks on my brother running to my mom about everything instead of talking to us. One of his issues was that we don’t speak up about stuff we need, like if the house needs something or we do. I get too nervous to talk and I try to be friendly with everyone, it feels hard to speak up. That “everything is a secret between them two”. I try to talk, it’s hard, every time I open up I worry about being judged.
His other issues were my boyfriend’s job schedule and how he “doesn’t listen”, I don’t know what that’s about…And apparently I need to stop doing everything for my boyfriend. Idk. I cook and clean after him a lot I guess, why can’t I do that? When I don’t feel like it, I Express that to him I just don’t know why that’s his issue. I can’t get a job yet because I’m waiting for my boyfriend’s first paycheck so I can afford an ID and then I can get a job.
It’s taking forever, life is going painfully slow, I feel like a freeloader, and I’m afraid of everything. I force myself to come out and talk but today I’m isolating in our room because I know there’s a problem and I can’t stop thinking about it.
I’ve been doing journaling lately and I’ve already wrote down how I feel and it helped until I realized the situation is not resolved so I feel the same again.
I have to wait until late at night for my boyfriend to be “talked to” after he leaves work. Idk how to feel other than stressed and helpless. I did some cleaning today so I’d like to think i did my part so I don’t need to leave the room until the unfortunate time of dinner. I won’t have an appetite.
That’s all, unfortunately. No good news from me. That anxiety carried on with me even after I moved out.
Take care, everyone.