Hey @Metalskater1990,
You’ve done the right thing by not responding to the provocation of this guy. Honestly, when someone tries to belittle someone else, they are actually saying something about themselves and their own insecurities. Their words are empty and don’t say anything about you. It is the person who judges and critics with the intention of hurting that actually reveals something about themselves.
It sounds like throughout your life, and based on what you have shared on your posts, you have been hurt by others and belittled at an early age, which is enough to build up a lot of frustration and anger. You never deserved to be treated badly, as if you were not good enough.
Having no confidence does not make you a weak person. It makes you someone who has been hurt and is struggling. Expecting yourself to be fully confident after the ways you’ve been hurt by others is like expecting to walk while having a broken leg. It takes time to recover, it takes time to heal core wounds, it takes time to find your path - one that wouldn’t be made of violence, because violence is actually the weapon that was used against you, and I’m sure you don’t wish that to anyone else.
It also sounds like a lot of the critics and negativity that has been turned against you is based on toxic masculinity. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of that concept, but I think it really is a key one for you. There’s what biology says about our gender (and even so, it’s very prone to debates), but there’s also what we learn about being a man or woman, depending on the society/culture we live in. In our society, being a man would equal this fake illusion that you need to be strong, not show emotions, be tough, basically get your shit together no matter what life throws at you. What a stupid expectation! You are basically expected to be superman, but superman is a fictional character. In real life, human beings have human needs. They feel, they’re happy, they cry, they grieve, they hurt, they laugh… whether they’re a man, a woman or any other gender. You are not a “pussy” or weak because the idea that this conception relies on is absolutely unfair and unrealistic. You are you. You are enough as you are.
This is not about being manly enough or not, this is about re-learning to take pride in being yourself unapologetically. I can tell that you have more heart and you care more than a lot of people. Don’t let others condition your feelings and the person you are. They judge but they don’t know you. Actually, one day something inevitable will hit them, like the loss of a loved one, and they will probably feel very lost with emotions they don’t understand and never allowed themselves to feel before. You’re not following that path. you’re not choosing the easy way. You’re actually doing the work to understand yourself, understand your emotions, understand the person you are. That takes strength. Vulnerability is a strong backbone in life. Denying it only pushes us to our own loss.
You are enough just as you are. You always were, and you are, still. 