It really sucks living in small Midwest towns as a queer person I wanna be my self but it’s so hard I’m not worried about the violence against me Ive come to terms with that shit years ago and well I won’t go down with out a fight I can tell you that I just want to be around others like me I wanna have that family since my biological family is indifferent I just feel so alone in this town and I hate it
Hey @Derpplup,
I’m sorry you are feeling alone where you live. I guess that’s a bit of the burden of living in smaller towns/rural areas. Where I grew up - not US, but a village with like ~1600 habitants -, most people knew each other and their life, which made anyone having some kind of “specificity” (based on their standards) seen as an outsider. If you were the gothic teenager, the man who loves men or even an artist, it was just hard to socialize during community events without being looked at in a weird way. It’s definitely not the same cosmopolitanism that we can find in big cities, and surely not the same way to build relationships. Some people like it and benefit from it, but others are just constantly left aside.
Your need to connect with people who wouldn’t judge and let you be your true self, without fearing of being hurt and finally finding a sense of belonging, makes absolutely sense. It’s for sure not the same, but have you looked at online communities too? With covid and everything, I imagine that there might be more opportunities nowadays to find communities where members do voice calls and are particularly active. It’s not a replacement of physical meetings of course, but it might be just a good start. There could be informations to look at in terms of local gatherings as well, if travelling is possible for you.
I know online connections are frustrating at some point and it doesn’t replace the power and depth of an in-person meeting. Although it could be worth it at least to reduce this feeling of loneliness and isolation that you feel right now. You know, just to expand a little more your horizon.
I did a little bit of looking around online, and was surprised at how little there was in the way of LGBTQ real-time interaction. It might be worth setting something up in Discord, so people can video chat, or voice chat without video. I usually pop into Discord for a few minutes most evenings, to check messages. I don’t think I would be as useful as someone who is part of the LGBTQ community, but my account is Wings#5908, if you want to stop by and say hi.
I did find one site that includes a Zoom chat function. It appears to have some established meetings taking place. It’s based in New York, but that may not be an issue, or maybe they can help you hook up with a different community. Here’s the link:
I did a little bit of looking around online, and was surprised at how little there was in the way of LGBTQ real-time interaction.
I think that is also related to the fact that, unfortunately, meetings for some communities have to be well secured and organized through private groups that are not necessarily visible at first, like Facebook groups for example. There’s still people with wrong intentions who tend to want to mess up with others because of their own hatred, even if it’s “just” by trolling online. It even happens with people who create groups online based on a similar struggle or project, which is really unfortunate.
There are some LGBTQ+ communities/servers on Discord too. It’s always possible to do a search for public servers directly through the app, based on keywords.
I am in several queer discord groups it’s just I’m missing the physical interaction the actual sense of community and having people I can be with
Way back in the days of dinosaurs, and Windows 3.1, I met some people in chat rooms, and ended up spending time with them in person. That was 27 years ago, and things have gotten more scary online, but maybe a safe opportunity will arise, where you actually can attend a group or meeting in person. I hope so anyway.
Hi Derpplup,
I am sorry that you go around with the feeling that you can’t be who you truly are, this is very tough, not only the emotions not being able to be proud of who you are, but also the energy you have to use to hide something away you so truly want to be.
I think we all can relate to this feeling at some point in your life and i truly feel the sadness and frustration of not being able to be who you are.
I have not been through it in the same way. But my whole childhood i had to be something i wasn’t, to feel like i fit in to my family. I had to be a totally different person all the time, had to joke with things i didn’t want to joke about, dislike things i actually wanted to like. I know it is not the same, but it affected me a lot during my childhood, and it took me a long time to realise that it wasn’t me.
And i still work very hard on changing it.
However my solution was running away from it. I know it might not sound like the best solution, or that some might not have the possibility to do so. For me i got an job offer in another country and i made it my chance to run away from it. And first then i found a group of people who allowed me to be me. I could wear what i wanted, i could say what i wanted i could be me, and they liked me for it and that is something i would wish for you to find too. The place where you can allow yourself to be YOU!
It might not be easy, and i am not sure where this would be, but it is out there somewhere, we just have to search for it.
You are not alone in feeling this way, and i get the interaction thing too, especially the isolated part with covid and all this. However i have also found people online who i know i can be me with, and i am very greatful for having that space, while i also search for places in real life where i feel happy and where i can be myself.
Hey @Derpplup I’m sorry you have to live without the physical and emotional interactions you need. That’s so hard and you are so strong for reaching out here. I hope that you’ll be able find someone like you who lives in your town, who maybe feels the same way. much love
Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, its sound pretty hard going to be living away from people you care for not being able to mix with people. Is there any opportunity to move out of this small town you live in? I guess with all this covid its just become worse and worse, I feel for you friend. So many are in situations where they have been separated from loved ones for months on end and are desperate for physical contact. I hope that very soon life can get back to some sort of normality and then maybe you will be able to find some places that you can mix with people, nice people that are accepting of who you are as they should.
Much Love Lisa.
Hi Derpplup,
I’ve been there. Society is just a mess. It can sometimes be very hard to blend in with the rest of the community. There really isn’t much that you can do other than to be happy with what you already have. I still mostly have online friends simply because they are much easier to make and socialising being hard. Trying to be a person who you are not is the worst thing that you can do, and you do not have to fall into what most people do these days. All I can assure you is that we are definitely with you and we are here to support you!
SuchBlue
Sadly not currently I’m unemployed and seeking disability so the most I can hope for is moving with my brother to a less shitty house
Thanks it helps knowing I’m not the only one in this position
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