Feeling like a failure and that everything is going against me

Hey everyone.

I know it’s been awhile. I’m sorry about that, and I’m not going to make up an excuse about why it’s been a long time, because it is best that you all deserve the truth and nothing but the truth.

I have been struggling beyond words. Everything feels too much. Here’s some context:

In 2020, I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD). I have been struggling with that beyond all words to the point I have been having constant mood swings. One moment, I feel happy and wanting to live. The next moment, I feel depressed and not wanting to live. The next moment, I’ll get extremely angry and start throwing stuff. This is NOT like me.

I just took step 1 and reached out to a psychiatrist, because to be honest, it feels like I am fighting this fight alone.

My partner, she doesn’t understand the PTSD and the mood swings at all. She knows I’m struggling, but acts like it is nothing. Whenever I tell her to leave me alone once I have a PTSD episode/flashback/mood swing, she doesn’t.

It’s freaking tough.

I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. I wish I could control and change the trauma in my life, but I can’t. I have been fighting this for too long of a time alone, and it is time, I fight it with someone to help push me through it.

Thanks for listening all.



Hi there @DuckMakesThings,

Thank you so much for reaching out here on HeartSupport; I’m glad to see you reaching out for help and am proud of you for having the courage to do so. Also, please know that you don’t owe us any apologies for taking a break from HeartSupport; we’re here for you whenever you need us (and I know that others greatly appreciate your kind responses), but you should never feel obligated to help others when you don’t feel like it; everyone here loves you just the same regardless of if you have capacity or interest in being active in this community.

With that said, I can’t imagine how hard PTSD must be and everything that you are going through. Those mood swings sound incredibly tough and I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through all of that. I hope you know that I’m sending you all the love and support possible, and I have faith in your abilities to push past these incredible challenges.

Regarding your partner, have you tried to set boundaries and have a serious discussion with her on how she can support you when you have PTSD episodes? I know it’s hard and takes massive courage, but it may be worth trying to have that hard conversation with her if you haven’t already. Significant others should always respect your boundaries and support you, and I’m sorry to hear that you aren’t being respected in that regard.

I’m so glad to hear that you’ve reached out to a psychiatrist and that you are seeking support here on HeartSupport. You are never alone, however hard things may get. Whenever you feel alone, please remember that we (speaking for the whole of the HeartSupport community) are standing with you and are rooting for you.

<3 Tuna


Hey @DuckMakesThings,

It’s okay to take a break from places you used to know, to take time for yourself and invest that energy in your healing. You don’t have to apologize for being away. The door is always open and you can use it however you want, and need.

I’m sorry to hear that things have been difficult with your partner. PTSD affects so many aspects of our life and that alone can be very difficult for others to understand. Somehow it’s good that she doesn’t – it means she hasn’t experienced that at a personal level. But it sounds that there might be some more communication needed there. It could help for example to try to have a meeting with your psychiatrist and your partner at the same time in order to discuss what you’re going through, and having a professional helping her to understand your symptoms. Eventually, looking after educational resources that you could share with your partner, if she’s willing to have a look at it, could be helpful as well! She certainly has good intentions and wants to be present, but may be a little helpless in understanding what you’re going through and knowing what to do. Time, patience, grace for each other and a lot of communication are key on that matter.

I’m glad to hear that you are currently receiving help and making sure that you are supported through all of this. PTSD is a very challenging and distressing condition at times, although as you will learn to recreate a new sense of safety in your life, you will also free yourself from unwanted emotions and reactions to triggers. There is freedom ahead, and that is worth to keep going, to keep trying. I believe in you. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

From: Mamadien

Duck, it’s good to hear from you again. I’m glad you are still here even if you haven’t been responding to posts yourself. And I’m very glad you reached out about what you are going through. It sounds as though the last couple of years have really been tough and you have fought the fight as best you can on your own. And I’m proud of you for realizing that you need help and knowing to reach out for it. That can be a big part of the work toward recovery. Please let us know how you make out with getting that help. As for how your partner is dealing with what is happening with your Pt


From: ManekiNeko

my first point I really want to stress is the fact that you never have to apologise for your own trauma. It’s not your fault you have experienced the things you have and I also wish nobody had to deal with those things. You didn’t create them for yourself and so, create space to give yourself some grace and love.

I think you’ve reached so many steps you probably don’t even realise. Acknowledging you’re struggling, reaching out, acknowledging how it’s affecting you and your relationship. All big steps that sometimes take people a long time to reach. I’m so proud of you for putting in all this work for yourself, but as you mentioned it’s time you don’t have to do it alone. Seeking help can be scary, but look how far you’ve come!

it sounds like your partner really cares about you and maybe (as the wise micro already said) needs some extra resources. Perhaps you could also go to an appointment together to talk through what you need during the time when PTSD has overwhelmed you. She sounds like perhaps she doesn’t want to leave you alone, there may be a bit of fear or uncertainty. But communication always goes a long way.

I do hope that things are feeling a bit lighter for you, duck. Thanks for being here

1 Like

From: Mamadien

Sorry - I hit the send button by accident! Anyway, I suspect your partner really may not know how to respond to your PTSD and is afraid possibly of “over reacting” or doesn’t want to worsen things with her concern. That said, the fact that she wants to stay with you when these episodes happen suggests that she may be very concerned for you. Perhaps you could look through the resources here and speak with your psychiatrist about resources for her to help her further learn about PTSD. Again, I’m glad you’re here and please keep us posted.


This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.