Feeling like a nuisance to everyone around me

Hi, my name is Lee. I’m 16 years old, and I’m in my junior year of high school rn. It’s late at night, I just came across heartsupport today and made an account because I feel like I need to get this off my chest. I had just vented all of this into a letter onto a Google doc as if I’m writing to an imaginary friend or stranger lol, I’m sorry if it’s too long or doesn’t make sense. I just really need some support right now.

"I don’t know, man. Like I genuinely feel like a nuisance to my family, and everyone really. As if they would be better off without me.

I’m a horrible daughter. They deserve a better kid. Less spoiled. Less lazy. Less stupid. It sounds irrational, I know, but still like, I truly feel like I was a mistake to them. If I would just go through with it I would be doing a service to them. My parents wouldn’t have to worry about feeding me, dealing with me, paying for college, taking me to school and back. I feel like my very existence is just making everything worse, and it’s as if ending it all would be the only way I could repay them for all the hell I have caused these last 16 years of my life. Truly, they deserve better.

Really the main reason I’m still living is to ace my classes and get into college, but even now I don’t think I can imagine a future for myself after high school. If I died now it would seem like all that hard work I put into my honors/community college classes would be for nothing but man I just feel so drained. It feels like everyone around me is ahead and has their stuff together: more accomplished, more successful, more productive, and then there’s me. Taking up space that someone else more useful could have filled. I’m just rambling at this point but I don’t really have any motivation to keep living, but even then I cower at the thought of creating a plan, much less executing it.

Usually, when young people die from suicide, their family, friends, and basically everyone who knew them would mourn the loss of their loved one, calling them ‘the sweetest person they’ve ever met’, or ‘a bright light gone too soon,’ and there’s no doubt in my mind that every single one of these people truly was amazing, and have touched many people’s lives in some way that they may not have even realized while they were alive. But me, man I feel like I’m the perfect candidate because if I even dare to talk to my parents about any negative emotions I’m feeling they would just call me ‘overdramatic’, ‘stupid’ or a ‘sensitive ass.’ If I were to open up to any of my friends about this I’m sure we would ultimately end up drifting apart because no one would want to deal with someone like that. My family is stuck with me whether I like it or not, but my friends from school, I don’t want to be more of a burden to them than I already am.

One less mouth to feed, one less annoying student/classmate/friend. Like I could die tomorrow, and the world would have lost something of very little value, that no one would care. If anything, I would be doing the world a favor.

I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. I had high hopes for the future: move away to college, see the world, fall in love. And so much more that even now I still want out of life. But the way things are going right now, that may not last long. Hell, I would be lucky if I even lived to reach the age of 20.

I don’t know, man. I’m simply tired of living. It hurts me to say this because I know that I have so much to look forward to but there are just so many thoughts flooding in my mind 24/7 and I just want it all to end. The possibility, the azure of just—nothingness. All the weight in my body, all the puffiness in my eyes, all the noise in my head, in the world. To just stop. To not be a bother to anyone. To feel nothing. To be nothing. But weightless, forever.

It’s all too tempting, man. I don’t know."


Would it help you any to know that many of us have been at this exact same state, at your age, and had the EXACT same thoughts?

In a world of billions of humans, i reminded myself that I couldn’t be so special to be the one mistake that existed. We have a place in the world, it exists because we exist. We don’t have to earn that spot.
For me, it was the normal development of the human ego that brings up these questions, and the flood of new emotions and brain chemicals makes us wonder what our place is.

In other words, i think it’s sort of normal to wonder.

In all honesty, WE care about you. You are not a bother, you’re a younger person just before your first big adventure, and you just have to figure out what that is. You may also be a bit burnt out from studies, and that can really mess with your head as well.

Is it possible for you to go see your doctor for a check up, make sure that you’re physically okay? Sometimes we need some extra vitamins and stuff to help balance ourselves out, and sometimes our growing brains can make the wrong chemical ratios.

You have worth and value, and this is a safe space for you to share and explore these feelings and thoughts. We care about you, and we’re here for you. Hope to hear from you again and get to know you a bit better. Your life matters, you matter, and you’re loved friend.

1 Like

Hey, k.leeann.

I know this post isn’t flagged for advice welcomed, but I really want you to know: Questioning whether or not you are a good daughter or friend is a sure sign that you are. Doubt is the rain that waters the fields of self-improvement, but too much of it and you’ll drown. It sounds like you may be drowning, but there are people who truly care that are willing to pull you out of the water if you’ll let them. I hope I’m not saying anything out of line.

I remember seven years ago (when I was sixteen), people would politely tell me “You’re just young and this is normal. Get through it and don’t kill yourself.” which for me was so disheartening. It sounds like you’re going through something really dark, and your age doesn’t make that any less meaningful.

I hope you find the peace you seek, and wish you wellness. I know of that longing for the empty space that makes the bowl useful too well.

  • Avery
1 Like

thank you so much. these past couple of months have been hard and you saying this means a lot to me. i don’t know why, but i was really hesitant to create this post for the first time, but now im glad i did.

i definitely have been feeling overwhelmed with my academics lately. like me and my friends would play it off as a joke to get on the grind and what not :sob: but really it has been eating away at me for so long and there have often been days where i just feel like im hanging by a thread.

recently it has been difficult in my family as well since my parents are very toxic towards each other. when i was 9 or so i witnessed them argue and physically hit each other to the point where my oldest sister had to call the police at our house, and although they’re doing a lot better now they still constantly fight and raise their voices, and it just hurts me. they expect me to be “the golden child” in the family and be the first to go to college, and i have kind of instilled myself into this mindset that there’s no room for error? which i know couldn’t be farther from the truth but something that’s really hard to shake. as much as i love my parents i feel very distant from them, and i could never bring myself to open up to them about stuff like this. i can’t help but feel like an inconvenience to them sometimes, or think about how their lives would be different if i was never there.

right now im not sure if i may be free to schedule a doctor’s appointment but lately i have been seeing my school social worker to help come up with different coping strategies, so that has really helped me. again Sita, i can not thank you enough for listening. take care, friend :people_hugging:


no worries, Avery! your advice really helped me put things into perspective a bit more. everything has been really hectic and draining lately and in my mind it really made me consider if i was really someone worth being around or taking care of. like there would be times when i would wake up feeling like i don’t truly deserve to live, you know? with that said, you saying how people in your life tried to reassure you when you were my age really resonated with me, and that attitude of just “getting over it” has been something i was raised with and so i kinda clung onto for so long, but it only left me feeling so alone and worthless in the end. deep down i knew i didn’t deserve that, so that’s why im here i guess haha

im probably going to go to sleep now. again thank you so much, and i truly wish you all the best. this means more to me than you know.