Feeling like crap

Hey everyone, I feel like absolute crap and I need someone to talk to. Nobody else in my family wants to understand me, it’s obvious that they hate the idea of me. I feel so disgusted with myself and alone. I am so scared of the thoughts running through my head right now. I help everyone but nobody helps me out. I feel like a doormat, a chronic people pleaser to the point that I get teary when I need to be assertive and put my foot down. I’m a horrible friend. The disgusting, useless thing. I just need a friend. Not anyone who will criticiseme and make me feel stupid. I already do that to myself on a daily basis. My best friend is relapsing, I feel like shit but I can’t even act that way because people are around me. Save me please. I don’t have the strength to save ,yself. I just had the worst panic attack I have had to date, and I’m still feeling like nonsense. I don’t know what to do. Please save me. I’m drowning again.

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@NEVERaPartoftheWORLD
Hey there. Thanks for reaching out here on the forum; it is a good step. Sorry to hear about your current circumstances. We are all here to listen and support you. You are not alone! Hang in there friend! Feel free to respond here or pm.
Sending well wishes.
-Eyeless

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Hey friend,

I’m sorry you feel like being just “a doormat”, made to be invisible except to be used by others. That’s such a painful feeling.

You’re not a horrible friend, a horrible or useless person. You are you. You are enough as you are. You have worth because you are, not because you’d do or say something. It sounds that people around you doesn’t value you as you deserve. It makes sense to eel how you feel in these circumstances. But feeling like you have to constantly walk on eggshells because you’re ashamed of yourself is not fair. That’s not how it should be.

You are not made to be “a chronic people pleaser”. It’s not easy to learn to be yourself, to allow yourself to exist as you are. That’s something I’ve been constantly struggling with, as I thought for a very long time that I should earn other’s love. But that’s not true. We live for ourselves first, and sometimes despite what others do or say to us.

I know it’s different, but you have plenty of friends right here in this community. You are not alone. You are seen. You are loved. You are cared for. Let us know how we can support you through this. :hrtlegolove: