I feel like I am dead weight. It feels as though no matter how hard I try to make myself better and help others, there’s always something preventing me from being all I can and want to be. I want to be a great friend but I can’t manage to keep people around me without something driving us apart, I want to be brave but I’m always terrified, I want to be a role model but I’m not good enough, and I want to love but I don’t know how.
I do my best to convince myself that I’m alright and I’ll be fine but it just takes one bad moment or thought or dream and then I can’t get out of bed. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I don’t want to be a burden and I don’t trust most people to tell them anyway. Haven’t felt so lost in a while.
Snubz, I’m so glad you feel like you can share this here with us. I’m sorry that this how you’re feeling, but you are really not a dead weight and trusting people takes time. Don’t think you’re alone in this because you’re not. You’re already on the right path to overcoming these feelings by being here and posting this. Just focus on the small achievements like the fact you DID get out of bed this morning. YOU did make it through the day. It all adds up.
We love you and we care about you. Your life is important. You matter. There is nobody like you in the whole world, and that’s why you are so important. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be scared. But it’s important to realize that some of these worries are lies. It’s a lie that you can’t be around others without driving them away. Maybe that has happened, and maybe it seems to happen a lot, but that is not a definite truth and you can change that reality. You have already made so much progress in reflecting on what’s going on and sharing it here. I believe you will overcome these worries and gain the strength to find peace and comfort even when these worries and lies start to pool up in your brain.
You are loved. We care about you and you are not a burden at all. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. We care about you! Please realize, though, that feelings don’t always equate to facts. For example, but because you feel like dead weight doesn’t mean that you are dead weight. There’s a quote I love that says, “Just because you failed doesn’t make you a failure.” There’s another quote that says, “You are your own worst critic.” I’m positive that you are SO much better than you think you are. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
Snubz, I am sooooo sorry you are feeling this way you are an awesome person . By the way you ARE NOT a burden . You are good enough … just know you are worth it friend … and we will always be here for you
Snubz, friend, I feel for you. I think I know what you mean by being lost. Of course, I can’t really know but from your words there are things that resonate with emotions I’ve felt in the past 6 months. Some, if not many of those feelings of lost, not measuring up, even after talking with a therapist seemed to direct me to the idea that they were emotions first with thoughts tied to them. A weird idea but the more I tried to validate the feelings of lost the more I found examples that didn’t reinforce it. Of course my brain would give me examples of why I was a burden, or why people didn’t like me or why I was lost but there was also other examples that contradicted it. Just my brain wasn’t being nice and freely giving me those examples. I was conveniently “omitting” them from my internal narrative. What is working for me currently is when I feel those ways I think “these are emotions, my brain is going through an emotional state right now. I don’t need to try to validate those emotions with examples.” And just let the feelings be as they are but without me thinking of things that justify and reinforce those low thoughts.
I know hearing from Danjo and Casers of the amazing things you’ve done. I’m sure those things aren’t just limited to HS. You might not feel it at the moment, and if it helps right them down, but reinforce the good moments you’ve done that contradict the negative narrative. Good luck to you. Know that you ARE loved, friend.
I don’t know if I’m in a place to be outpouring love like many others here have for you (I can barely love myself),
but I hear you.
I’m giving time to you through writing this. Time you deserve.
Not earned.
If you’re waiting to measure yourself (or how you feel about yourself) through something tangible… I’d advise against it.
You might be searching forever.
