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Feeling Like I Could've Done More

I can’t help but feel like I could’ve done something about what happened with Plur. I won’t get into details with what’s going on, there’s more info on the Discord, but I just can’t help but feel like I could have done something more to help Plur. I know that she’s gone and I cannot change that; but I just remember numerous times where she would reach out and ask if I’d like to hang out or chat, whether it’d be online or IRL. I dont know if anyone else is, but as far as I know I was the closest in promixity to her IRL. I live like 20 minutes away, and I just feel like I could have done something. I didn’t know her as well as others, but I was close enough. If I had known, maybe I could have done something to help her. I just feel useless and disconnected. My job and my desire is to help people, but there’s nothing I could have done about this and it just hurts alot. I’m so sad that she’s gone and I can’t help but wonder if…
Thanks for listening. I know this isn’t about me and I don’t want it to be, but I know it’s wrong to suppress certain feelings and emotions that are negative; it will only harm. Just wanted to express this in a safe place.

Love you, hold fast.


Hi EWest,

Thank you for posting this. I’m sure many people in our community can relate, so thank you for putting words to something I’m sure a lot of people are feeling. I know the feeling. A thousand “what if’s” are cycling through your brain and you start to second guess every interaction, or wonder if maybe one more call or hang would have made a difference. I know what this feels like friend and it’s a horribly difficult feeling to move on from.

The truth is there is nothing you could have done. Plur was in a lot of pain and has been for an incredibly long time. The friendship you did offer her provided her a lot of hope and love while she was here and I hope you can find some comfort in that. I know she loved you EWest. I know that she does not blame you, and neither does anyone else. I pray that you can find a way to not blame yourself, or feel any guilt. The truth is you did more than so many. The truth is that this community prolonged her life and brought her joy into difficult circumstances.

I know you believe in God like me, so what’s bringing me comfort right now is the truth that she is HEALED. Not just physically but mentally as well. She is happy, whole and healed and she LOVES you. It’s not your fault, there is nothing you could have done and you my friend are an encourager, you are one of the GREAT ones and you have an impact for good on SO MANY! Don’t let this loss shake that truth.

Love you friend. Here for you and praying for your.



Don’t be hard on yourself. I didn’t know what was going on with her life. I don’t know her well. I have little interaction with her. I know this community is mourning. It’s okay to feel sad. We will get through this. I love you, my friend. This community loves you. God loves you.

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