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Feeling like I have no real friends

I am wondering if people actually like me or just tolerate me

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Hi JustLikeMellie
Many people in your life are just simply there. They dont really think about it as much as you do. Sometimes they like being around you, sometimes they tolerate you. There are even times when we dont enjoy the company of the people we love the most (like the time when I have slept next to my snoring brother :grin:). So dont beat yourself up if you think somebody does not enjoy your company. You will know who your real friends are when you are in a hard place. They will be there for you. Here is a little video that might help :slightly_smiling_face: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hgDO4i_SLKI

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Hey @JustLikeMellie,

Thank you so much for being here and for reaching out. If that can be of any comfort, I think what you feel is not uncommon, and actually something that many of us asked themselves at least once. “Is this person genuine when they say they love me?”; “Am I bothering them when I share something?”; “What if I’ve always misinterpreted how our relationship is?”.

Somehow, we just need a fragment of doubt once for our mind to start spiraling over and over, especially if we tend to not be very confident already. In this situation though, a trap would be to start trying to see in every word and behavior that your friends wouldn’t care about you. Basically, if you believe they don’t, they you’ll always find ways to interpret what they do and say through this perspective. So, when you doubt like this, there’s really a need to just try to be careful and rational, as much as possible.

I imagine that this thought doesn’t come from nowhere. Would you like to share with us what are the things that make you wonder if people are only tolerating you? It might be helpful to discuss this in a more detailed way, if you’d like some outside perspective from us here.

To add to what @Ashwell said so very well too: we can genuinely love someone and only tolerate their presence sometimes. There are times when I can’t stand the noise my partner makes when he eats, or the movements he makes with his legs when he is focused on something, just like there are things about me that annoys him too! That doesn’t mean we don’t love each other though. With time, we learn to adapt and compose both with the parts we love and the ones that are more annoying. We don’t reject any. We just learn to live with it and be honest about it when something gets too much. Friendship works the same way. By being honest and not letting things unsaid, we can learn to compose with the things that appear as being some obstacles to the relationship. When there is genuine love and care, nothing is impossible to overcome. We just learn to create our own rules in order to make sure that everyone needs are still met and respected. :hrtlegolove:

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