Feeling lost @kitboga

@kitboga thank you for doing this. First of all I do not know if I’m doing this right. This is my first time posting. This year have been really hard. I have been doubting everything about myself. How do you know what to do or what to believe in. When we are born, we are taught what to believe but what if we start questioning it. I have been feeling kind of lost. Also things have not been going well financially. My country is not doing well and it’s not very safe. We can no longer afford to eat like we used to and live like we used to. Few days ago, I found out that I was rejected and was not selected by the university masters committee. This broke me. I really worked hard this year and did my best but it appears I’m not enough. I’m glad I have a tutoring job but I want continue studying. My family is trying to help me to apply to another university but I feel guilty because of the money situation. I feel like a burden and like a loser.

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Hey @yayoo1999 Thank you so much for your post, done correctly of course and welcome to Heartsupport, I know Kit will do his best to get to your post but in the meantime ill leave you with a few words if thats ok?
Goodness it sounds like you have really had some struggles this year, You mention that you are unsure what to believe in? is that something that you have struggled with before? does the questioning make you fearful? I think these are big but very valid questions to have as we go through life, we generally are told what to believe in as children and I dont think its abnormal to ask questions as you get older as that is how we learn. I am sorry if this is making you feel lost, have you got a family member or family friend you could talk to about how you are feeling? someone who has an understanding who can guide you on all the different options so you can make your own decisions about your own life.
I am also very sorry to read that you did not get selected by the university masters committee, I am certain that you did your very best and this does not mean that you are not enough it means that on this occasion on this day someone got a higher mark than you and its a horrid feeling but it is not a statement of how rubbish you are, in life sometimes we just get told no however hard we try. With that and the financial problems you really are feeling out of sorts and that is understandable but you are not a burden and you are most certainly not a loser, you are an wonderful human being, you work hard, and you strive to do your best. That does not sound like a loser to me.
You are loved, you are valued and you matter. Much Love Lisa :heart:

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Hey @yayoo1999,

No worries about the way you reach out here. You are not doing anything wrong. Simply sharing what’s on your heart, and being welcomed with as much love and support as possible is what we’re all about here. Welcome in the community, friend.

It sounds like you really have a lot on your plate right now, and I’m so very sorry for that. The stress of covid, of finances, and of university applications. It’s a lot to deal with, and I hope you are finding times to take a breathe, to breathe a little and rest as well. When so many things seems to be happening at once, we need to take care of ourselves too, as much as possible. Because we are our very own fuel, and we’dbetter not burn out ourselves.

It must have been really hard to know that you were not selected to this university. However, it is not a failure, and it doesn’t make you a failure. You’ve actually appleid to it - and keep appplying to others. It means that you are trying, that you seizing your chance to be where you’d like to be, and that is a success.

It is a relief to know that your family is helping you. Although I hear your fear of burdening them. They’re your family though. It is absolutely normal to support someone we love during a difficult time, especially when we are the parents. Soon enough, you will be more independant, you ill find your way, and that is going to be the most beautiful gift they could have too. They support you because they believe in you and want you to have the life you deserve. It’s all about love right there.

On the matter of eating and financial struggles, does your family and youwould consider checking on potential financial aids out there, or even food banks/if that is something you could have access to? This is about a primary need, and there wouldn’t be any shame to use that kind of service for the time needed. Just a thought, no pressure of course. I know it can be tough to simply think about it, as we can feel like we are failing. But really, the struggles you are knowing right know could happen to anyone. It is circumstancial, and it is absolutely okay to gather all the help you could need, both for yourself and your family. Hope this doesn’t sound stupid though, as I don’t know in which country you live nor what is the political context there right now.

Know that you are loved dearly. I belive in you. Keep following your dreams, keep taking steps to build the foundations of a life that you deserve. :hrtlegolove:

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