Feeling neglected by friends

I know its been a crazy time for everyone, things have been hard and they just seem to be getting harder. This is the time when you should be able to lean on the people closest to you.

I haven’t felt like I have been able to do that in a while. I’ve been super busy lately, went back to work, got a second job and decided to go back to college so my schedule has been insane lately. So I understand why my friends would think I’m too tired or too busy to do stuff but tonight a few of them went out for our best friends moms birthday and I wasnt even invited. These are my very best friends we have been friends for 15+ years, they are my family and so the fact that not one of them asked me if I was free or may want to go when I even saw one of them earlier today makes me really sad.

It really really hurts my feelings at a time when I don’t have much energy left to fight off the sad, to be positive, to keep pushing. I’m exhausted but I would of loved to be able to spend some time with them.

This has been happening a lot more often and I feel abandoned. I know they love me and I know if I needed anything they wouldn’t hesitate to try and help, I just can’t help feeling like I’m shut out. Like I’m not part of the group. Its crazy how no matter how old you get you will always just want to feel included and like you belong.


We crave community. You’re not a lesser person for missing your friends and wanting to be included. In fact, you’re more human for it.

It sucks that they didn’t invite you out, especially after being friends for so long. Maybe they thought you would be too tired. If you’ve turned them down multiple times, maybe they figured it wasn’t worth the bother of asking you. It wasn’t a fair assumption, but they’re only human.Friendship is a 2-way street, so reaching out to them may go a long way toward healing your relationships.

It sounds to me like you’re burning out. If you’re able, take some time for yourself or with your friends to recharge. When you run out of energy, you won’t be able to do any of the things on your schedule. You need to honestly assess where you can take time off, without regard to where you should keep busy. Think of it like sick time, whether it’s a day or a week. If you had the flu, prioritize how big a deal it would be to miss out on the things on your schedule, then take some time to nix the lowest-priority things. Burnout is real. It’s not weakness. We all need time to recharge–even our workaholic managers. Take care of yourself.

Hey Dani,

I’m so sorry you were hurting because of this situation. As you said, you’ve been very busy recently and it’s possible that there are some valid reasons behind this situation. But what the mind knows can often be very different with what the heart feels. So I hope you don’t blame yourself for feeling hurt. It’s just how it is, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling how you feel.

I think we all go through that kind of moment when we feel neglected by our loved ones - if not forgotten - but I understand that it can be more or less difficult to handle, especially when we feel tired already. Personally, I experienced that kind of situation like many of us, but as feeling invisible is both my comfort zone and my worst fear, knowing a trusted friend who breaks a promise or doesn’t invite me for something important is definitely painful. It doesn’t prevent me to know that I am loved, but it brings me back to some old and painful feelings that I don’t really know how to handle. So, self-compassion is always welcomed, at least as much as possible.

It sounds that these friendships are based on real trust, which makes me believe that trying to talk to them about how you feel could be a path towards healing. Just so you could actually hear that it wasn’t about you, but more likely because they didn’t want to bother you and made a decision for you - instead of with you. This could also bring a better mutual understanding in the future. Their intention was probably good, as you know them enough for that, but you also have the right to decide for yourself.

Also… congratulations for getting back to work and to college. That’s some beautiful goals that you’ve been setting for yourself. In the middle of a busy schedule, I hope you can find some time to breathe and take good care of yourself. :hrtlegolove:

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