About a year ago I moved from the chicago area to Maine at the start of my first year of high school(Now in my 2nd year).Leaving behind friends was very hard.The first couple of weeks I felt very alone and I kept thinking it would get better but it has not.It feels like at school I have friends but when I leave I ethier am doing sports with non school related people or am at home calling friends from home.Its not like I choose to stay home I would love to go out but I never seem to get the invite.The one group of girls im friendly with in school are nice to me but sometimes I just feel invisible.I started to blame myself and started to feel judged so I find my self not eating in front of the or not expressing myself how I used to with old friends. Tomorrow is my birthday and I tried to make plans but nothing works out.Tonight I left practice early to go to a school event (A basketball game) to see them there when I got there and I was a little late I sat with them and they barley talked to me and then after 5 minutes they just left and all went to dinner together.I just feel like im not good enough and before them I have had trouble with my body image with doing gymnastics but they just seemed to make it worse and they don’t even say anything about it to me they just make me feel worthless with out being mean and I don’t know how the do it but it like I lost my old self to them and Im going to spend My birthday alone and by myself while they go out.
Happy Birthday!!! I know you have a lot of tough things going on but I hope that you will at least take a moment to celebrate yourself.
I’m so glad that you posted here. I remember moving a lot when I was in high school. It’s so hard to make new friends sometimes. Trying to find the right crowd and then finding your place can be really challenging. I want you to know that you’re not alone in this experience. I know it feels incredibly isolating and lonely. But I promise you, you’re not the only person with those feelings. I know this may seem awkward but have you tried to mention how you’re feeling left out to your new group? I think sometimes it’s easy to feel like things are all wrong. But when we start to communicate how we’re feeling we sometimes learn that we’re not the only one who feels that way. I hope that this makes sense. Also, sometimes it takes a few tries before we find the right people. It’s important to have friends who care and are supportive. It often involves getting outside of our comfort zone and starting conversations with people and getting to know our peers. I really hope that things start to turn around for you. Please know that you’re welcome in this community any time. There are so many amazingly kind and caring people here who would love to support you. Please take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
It’s very hard to leave friends behind. After that, you are faced with the challenge of connecting with new friends at a time of life when that does not occur naturally. There are a few people here and there who can walk into a situation and feel comfortable, but for most of us, it triggers shyness and insecurity. Being the new kid means walking into a situation where those around you have been friends for years, perhaps all their lives. For that reason, it’s all too common that they are inexperienced at reaching out and making a newcomer feel welcome.
In addition, high school age kids tend to be more concerned with their own popularity than they are with helping others to feel accepted. In fact, too often, some kids will seek to increase their popularity by making others feel less accepted.
You are most assuredly good enough, and deserve good solid friendships. Because you have experienced the discomfort of being “the new kid,” you have become more than good enough, as you’ve had a chance to gain a level of empathy that others around you have yet to acquire.
You’re not being judged based on anything about you. Instead, it’s because you are “new.” Unless you are uniquely skillful at being outgoing, there’s a chance you will always be the new kid, at least until someone newer comes along. I know it sucks, but that is part of human nature.
Whether or not you eat, you will still be the new kid, so you might as well treat your body with care.
If you are like me, you are an introvert, and must expect to be “invisible” sometimes. With the fatalistic things I have said above, there is reason for hope. As you mentioned, there are some girls that you talk to. There is a good chance that some of those friendships will deepen. High school students tend to be cliquish, and there are usually a few students who remain outside of the cliques. Very often, those are the individuals who make the best friends.
It’s a shame that your old friends are so far away, but hopefully you can continue talking to them and be be visiting from time to time. You can also video chat on Skype, Facebook, or Discord.
If you intend to continue on to college, the playing field there is more level, as students will be coming from all over, which means everyone has an opportunity to start fresh and on equal footing. In that situation, you are less likely to be stuck dealing with groups of old friends who don’t care about excluding new ones.
Let me say again, there is nothing wrong with you. It’s just that young people are often awkward when it comes to integrating a new person into the group.
Please don’t feel alone, because you are not.
Hey, welcome! Just wanted to check in with you. a new person in a crowd can be very hard. Sometimes I think people don’t even realise they’re making someone feel a bit left out, so you think you’d feel comfortable asking them when they’re going to be doing something like going out for dinner next and if it would be okay to come along?
Or even a passing by comment like “hey we should have dinner together some time” or go to a movie or something.
You have nothing to blame yourself for, it’s okay to be shy and nervous. That’s not a fault. That’s just how some people feel and your feelings are so valid.
Just wanting to let you know we are thinking of you and love you
Just wanted to say, I resonate with everything you’re saying. I’m 34, and your post brought me right back to high school. I wish I had magic wisdom to help get you through, but ultimately the situation just sucks.
I know this may sound trite, but the advice I’ll give you is to find your people. Maybe it’s the Dungeons and Dragons club, the debate team, the math and science team, or a group of gamers. Maybe it’s even hanging out with your old friends on Discord. Don’t worry about image. You’ll graduate in 2 years, which is a really short span in the grand scheme of life. Once you graduate, no one outside your friend circles will care or even remember who your peers were.
It sounds like that group of girls can take or leave you. Most of my circles were the same way. I became friends with classmates after I graduated, and those classmates were the weird kids, ugly people, nerds, and other outcasts, and they’re still part of my very small circle of friends today. Hindsight being what it is, I wish I had gotten to know them in high school. They had to deal with a lot of teasing from the student body, but they were true friends with each other, which was more than I had when I was trying to “fit in.”
This will sound really adulty and preachy, but I’ll say it anyhow. Again, high school is hell now, but it isn’t forever. It feels like forever now because you’re in the middle of it, but once you graduate none of the bullshit will matter. You just need to get through two years. Two years out of 80+ that you have to look forward to. In the meantime, find your people. Social status won’t matter in 2 years, so find the real people. In the meantime, don’t hesitate to come back here and post your concerns. You’ve got this