Feeling stabbed in the heart and back

Hey everyone,

I want to talk about something that just pissed me off to be frank with you, It’s something that reminded me of another long term issue that has been bothering me(I’ve noticed it has become a theme in my posts and some issues that I am dealing with). The situation was as follows:A great friend of mine seemed to be having an issue due to them having a discord status that made me think so. To me, it was similar to when Peter Parker or Clark Kent are walking randomly in the street, and they see a crime happening, so they change to their superhero costume on the fly to help people out. So I messaged my friend and I asked them about the issue.(Keep in mind that me and that friend talked about a lot of issues, and I saw that friend grow from these issues and improve, we talked about things in their life as well)they literally said that why should they trust me since they don’t know anything about me. The issue is that I’m an anon person on the internet, no one knows anything about me. It’s like a meme at this point. But I would like to keep myself private because I value my privacy, alright. After they said that, I explained my reasoning for why I’m private, it’s not because I want to hurt them or because of anything devious, and I assured them, that they’re in the same position as anyone who knows me on discord, which is that they don’t know anything about me as well, then I proceeded to ask them how can I make them more comfortable and more safe. They responded that they didn’t feel comfortable since they didn’t know anything about me, and I again asked how could I make them more comfortable. Then they responded that they have trust issues, they disappeared like a ghost afterwards. To say that I was livid, would be an understatement. The reason for that is they literally shared a lot, and I mean a lot, of things in regard to their issues and their life. YET NOW THEY HAVE AN ISSUE?and this brings me to the more long terms issue, and it’s that why do people give a shit about stupid shit like name, age or other personal info instead of character and personality?for real, why?it makes me pissed to no end to be honest. I mean, is it wrong to be anon and have some goddamn privacy?why do people have to come up with the crazy assumptions?that’s what makes my fucking blood boil, no joke. I had a situation like that the other day when a good friend straight up refused to let me in a discord call with his friend group(keep in mind that my mic and cam are literally broken, so the only way I can communicate is via typing and the fucking guy knows my personality and character)because that they didn’t trust me and to paraphrase what they said that I could be a grandpa or a 12-year-old on drugs(again, assumptions) and lets for a second that I was the one of the former things(to add fuel to the fire, another friend kindly shared that that person said that about me, so that “friend” literally didn’t have the guts to tell it to my face). Why can’t I have some fucking privacy, man, for real. Why do people give a shit about meaningless shit like appearance or age or any personal shit, why not give a fuck about character? It pisses me off to no end and I hate to admit it, but it hurts man, it’s like being stabbed in the heart and back, no joke.

5 Likes

Hey Xavier,
It is your right to be anon on the internet and interact with people as you feel most comfortable. Seems you do feel very betrayed by the friend who initially shared a lot of details with you and is now not doing so. That must not be nice to experience.

However, that friend also has a right to choose how they interact on the internet, and they can change their boundaries as well. By being anon you’re protecting yourself, which is great. They’re also doing what they think they need to keep themselves safe, which in this case is having some more details. Same as the other friend, while it is nice to be included in a group call to be able to meet new people, people can choose the level of knowledge they are comfortable with.

You’re both basically saying “this is what I need in order to converse with you”. It’s just that those requirements are different for each of us, hence the conflict you’re experiencing. You’re chosen to restrict access to your info, which is your choice and your right. But wanting to know someone’s details may not be related to judging anyone by appearance or age, etc. Your privacy is meaningful to you. The same way, knowing someone’s basic info like name, age etc are things they need in order to feel safe talking with someone, and sharing their personal issues.

Hope things work out for you. Thanks for sharing here with us!

2 Likes

Hi @Xavier1
Hey thanks for your post, I hope getting that out from your head to the wall helped, I sense it probably did. Its a situation I have not really thought about before to be honest as I have never really thought about keeping myself that private beyond obvious things but I respect that, that is indeed what you and others prefer and there is nothing wrong with that at all.
I do wonder a bit why as did you that someone who had opened up so readily in the past to you suddenly didn’t seem to know you? I can see why that would be upsetting, when you think you have made a connection and you reach out to help, its thrown back at you but maybe it was more to do with their frame of mind at that moment and you happened to just be there and it wasn’t as personal as it felt? just a thought?
As for other people reacting to your choices for privacy, as @Sita says they also have a choice and some people may have fear of the unknown, that’s unfortunate but I suppose we have to just live with the choices we make.
Thankfully you will find that many are just fine with your decision and are happy to know you as you are, a person who just wants to help.
As frustrating as it is, Please don’t let this stop doing all the good things you do because that would be tragic.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

4 Likes

Thanks, @Lisaw1973 and @Sita for the response,

Maybe I can be more of at peace, that maybe it’s their issue that they make wrongful assumptions about me. To tell you the truth,I wanted to even stop helping people and just allow myself to lose control i.e get more angry at people,more aggressive,but thats not good,although I know I have an issue with it,its not part of me to hurt people that dont deserve it.in terms of the first situation,it seems that there was an explanation for it.and its going to get pretty,pretty bizarre.so strap in.Today I was talking to another friend who knew that friend who I had that issue with,hell they even were in a relationship at the time,but broke for the reason Im about to tell you. When they were dating,the age gape was really significant to the point that when my “friend” is going to become a full adult(i.e 18) the friend I was talking to would still be a minor,so yeah,you see where Im going.now you might say,well if they wait its okay,and I agree,if only the person who will be adult did not want to wait.when my friend(who will be the minor)initially told me about the relationship,I was surprised about it,and to tell you the truth I did talk to them about the age difference and hows its surprising and how it may pose some challenges in the relationships but wasn’t overall critical, and I was more than willing to respect boundaries which the person had no issue. Then I talked to the future adult about the relationship and the issues that come with it, and they responded with that,they didnt care about the age differance and I kept telling them that they will be a minor,but they straight up said that they didn’t care(keep in mind that the person isn’t 18 yet)so I wanted to convince them because I didn’t want the Feds to interfere. After a while, the friend(the one who I talked to today)told me that they broke up with the friend who didn’t want to share their issues suddenly due to the age differance, so that was that,and I talked to that “friend” and tried to help them out with the break-up,telling them that it had to happen due to the age differance and that they can find someone in the future.Flash forwards to today,While I was talking to my friend who is going to remain a minor while that “friend” is 18,they mentioned how they fought with their ex being that person.So my “spider-sense” got tingled and I fucking lost it,I knew it now, the reason they refused to tell me what happened yesterday is because they knew that I would tell them that the feds wouldn’t approve of them being in a relationship.so yeah, quite a bombshell, and it makes a shit ton of sense.

2 Likes

This topic was automatically closed after 365 days. New replies are no longer allowed.