Feeling Stuck and Hopeless

So, I found this forum today when I Googled “i dont want to be here anymore but it seems like a waste to not live”. I’ve needed a place where I can just anonymously vent but also get some guidance maybe? I just don’t know what to do anymore.

For the past 8 months I just feel like my life has no purpose. I’m about to resign from my toxic job on Friday and this is a direct repeat of something similar that happened with me last year with another toxic workplace. I just feel like I’m in this repeated cycle of being stuck and not knowing what to do in life. On top of that, my friendships with some pretty close people in my life have been changing, and although I’ve had the necessary conversations with them and expressed how I feel…I still feel like they’re better off without me. Same with my family. I realized today it’s been so long since I hung out with anyone besides my own mother (who I live with). And that’s a whole other issue…things with my mom have been down right toxic to say the least… and it’s definitely time for me to move…but I just don’t have money to move on my own right now either.

I just feel like I’m wasting my early 20s and if I could give away years of my life to people who could actually use it…I totally would, because God knows I’m wasting them being absolutely stuck in life right now and feeling miserable. It just feels like a waste to continue on…but I also don’t want to end things either (although I have been having suicidal ideation for the past couple of months when things feel real bad). I know i should probs go to therapy but I’m about to be super fucking broke and can’t afford that…and I don’t want to burden my family or friends with this heaviness…I just don’t know what to do.

It’s gotten really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel this time…and for the first time in my life I feel like I can’t really see a future. I have no idea where my life is going and that makes me feel really scared and just hopeless. I just don’t feel good enough in so many areas of my life all at once and it’s causing this immense heaviness that I cannot shake.

I just…don’t know anymore. I want to feel good again…I want to get my light back and feel confident in who I am again, but that person seems so far gone and I just feel rooted in this darkness. And then I start to think I deserve to feel this way and it just loops me into this negativity shit-storm… So I don’t know.

Any advice, comments, and/or encourgement is welcome. Thanks friends.

TLDR: girl in early 20s feeling hopeless and on the brink of absolutely losing it.

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Hey supernova,

I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through, and I can feel the weight of your emotions in what you’ve shared. It sounds like you’re in a place where everything feels overwhelming and finding a way forward seems impossible. Leaving your job on Friday after facing another toxic workplace last year is a tough decision, especially when it feels like a repeating cycle. Being in that environment, coupled with the changes in your friendships and your challenging relationship with your mom, sounds incredibly draining.

It’s understandable that you’re feeling stuck right now. Your early 20s are often portrayed as a time of growth and excitement, so it’s natural to feel like you’re missing out when things don’t go as expected. But even though it feels like you’re wasting these years, you’re still here and sharing your story. That takes real courage.

You mentioned that you’re having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and that your future feels uncertain. It’s okay to feel scared and not know what’s next. Sometimes, we put so much pressure on ourselves to have everything figured out that we end up feeling even more stuck when things don’t go as planned. But even small steps can help shift things, and it doesn’t mean you’re wasting time if it’s not a big leap forward.

I’ve felt similarly when my own plans crumbled, and I didn’t know what to do. Eventually, I realized that people around me wanted to help, even just by listening. I slowly found small ways to care for myself, whether through hobbies, walks, or reaching out for support when I was ready.

I hear you when you say therapy feels out of reach right now, especially with the financial strain of leaving your job. Sometimes, community resources offer free or low-cost support, and even just finding online spaces where you can share openly can be a start.

It’s okay to not have all the answers right now. Your emotions are valid, and you deserve to feel good again. Even though it feels far away, you have already shown strength by reaching out and sharing your story. I’m here to listen and offer support, and I hope you find some encouragement from this space. You’re not alone, and you’re worthy of finding that light again.

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Hey Supernova - that feeling of wasting your 20’s in a listless fog is one i know alllll too well. heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - Feeling Stuck and Hopeless - HeartSupport / Support - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 30 May 2024 | Loom