Feeling Stuck, Hopeless and also Not

Hi, what’s up. This is my first post so I’m not sure what to write exactly…

So I’m 24, I live with my mom in Southern California.
I’ve basically taken the last 3 years to improve myself and my life. I’ve lost 140 pounds, got rid of toxic friendships, stopped dating people I didn’t like, been to 20+ different therapists/healers. I’ve been basically trying very hard to improve in the last few years. After all this, I’m pretty done with “self-improvement” lol.

I’m feeling stuck because I’m sooo ready for a change and to move to another city and have a new adventure. Money has always been a struggle for me and has seemed impossible to make. I feel like it’s keeping me stuck and unable to be independent and free. It’s causing so much pain feeling trapped and hopeless. I’m always panicking about money.

Over the last few years, there have been times of extreme darkness and suicidal thoughts. It seems like the heavyweight on my shoulders and chest won’t ever go away.
It’s also weird because I’m also super high functioning. I eat well, workout every day, practice drums, work, call my family, take care of stuff. But I have these severe downs where I feel hopeless and like it’s never going to get better, I’ll never achieve my dream of being independent.


Hey, welcome.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, SoCal is one of the most expensive places to live in the entire country; so from a logical standpoint, it’s totally understandable to be struggling with this. And I understand how that feels. You said yourself that you’re incredibly responsible, so I have no doubt that you’ll be able to achieve your dream eventually. It will just happen when the time is right. A new city might be a good move for you!
Just know it will always get better, and you are never alone. You are not hopeless, you are loved.


Nope, you are not done with self-improvement. The way you go about it may change, but will continue for as long as you live. That’s a good thing! After all, if we don’t evolve, we stagnate.

As much as you struggle with money, I hope there are times when you can let go of the issue, and fully relax, at least for a little while. I think it’s harder to establish independence now than it ever has been. Could it be that your severe downs and hopeless feelings are related to conditions in your life not changing fast enough?

It’s wonderful that you are taking good care of your body, and doing things that you enjoy. When you are working out, practicing drums, or maybe just out and around, do you take time to notice the independence that you have in those moments? I hope you have noticed, that the “severe downs” occur in episodes, and as long as we can think of them as episodes, we know they’ll pass, then we’ll feel better.

Anyway, welcome to the group!


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