I recently moved into a rental home alone with my two cats after a traumatizing experience living with a few ex-friends. The fact of the matter is I have a hard time taking care of myself and my environment. That in combination with a hyper-addictive personality has ended up alienating the people I am close with including romantic and family relationships. It’s led me to live a reclusive lifestyle that amplifies my struggles with depression and anxiety. I know this is no crisis line, but I’ve reached a tipping point. I’ve allowed my anxieties to actively ruin my ability to take care of myself and the things I care about.
I’ve had a lifelong journey with therapy and medication, and many professionals have suggested various diagnoses and medications over the past decade none of which have provided any lasting relief. I’ve experienced some medications having particularly horrible effects on my sanity as well. This sense of doubt in combination with my general lack of organizational skills has led me to miss appointments and feel overall distrustful of therapy. Not to mention it’s mortifying when I’m not able to meet the basic requirements to receive help with meeting the basic requirements.
Has anyone had a similar experience? What has worked for you?
Welcome here!
Sounds frustrating and overwhelming to say the least.
And sometimes seeking any type of care can in itself seem stifling when it seems to be not that much helpful. And I credit you for trying and hope you will continue until you hit upon the path for you. Taking little tiny shuffle steps is fine. (And also give the kitties hugs!)
welcome to the heartsupport forum and community, my friend, i’m so thankful you’re here. you’re in the right place. taking care of all of your needs, your home, and 2 cats is a lot for one person especially when that one person has depression and anxiety weighing heavily on their shoulders as well. it’s as easy as it is tempting to let it all go like putting chores off or mismanaging time (trust me, i’ve been there!).
what’s helped me time and time again when it’s impossible to take care of myself is taking it slow and simple. i would look at my apartment and think of all the things that have been long neglected for cleaning… but when i say “i’m going to just clean this corner of the kitchen counter and then reward myself with a movie,” it makes the impossible become padded with self-care and digestibility. same can apply to making appointments: re-enforce it with something that’s rewarding to yourself like getting a treat at a bakery nearby the therapist’s office. and hey, sometimes we just have to switch our brain off and start moving our legs forward to get anything done. i hope by tackling things one at a time will set you free from the trapped feeling as well as prove to yourself that you can do it. you can do anything. i believe in you and hope for the absolute best in your journey ahead.
Welcome to HeartSupport; I’m so glad to have you here.
It sounds like you’ve gone through a lot of challenge both in recent times and in the long-term, and it makes sense that you’d be approaching a “tipping point” as all the emotions pile on and on over this time. It can become exhausting and frustrating when we’re putting so much effort into bettering ourselves and our situation without achieving the results we seek! It’s also natural for these repeated challenges to cause a distrust in system such as therapy, even though these can be helpful.
With that said, I want to take a moment to commend you on all the effort you’ve been putting into everything. It takes serious fortitude to keep trying and trying again after medications/diagnoses aren’t working out, especially if you aren’t getting the help you need in obtaining basic needs.
While I don’t have any advice, I just want you to know that I feel for you and understand that this situation is so challenging. Please don’t hesitate to reach out in this post or a new one; we’re here for you every step of the way and hope your situation improves.
Who would have thought such kind and thoughtful people would arrive at my one-off cry for help. What a sanctuary in a sea of confusion. Seriously, thank you <3
For anyone interested, I’m still stumbling my way along, but I’ve found some peace in my journal again. I’m turning 23 this week, and reflecting over the past few years of charmingly inane poetry and drawings has helped me visualize my growth. Some inspiration struck me this evening for the first time in months, and I wrote the beginnings of the first song I’ve dared to be proud of in a long time.
I understand that my traumas will never fully heal, but a flower doesn’t grow out of thin air. It grows from soil made out of dead things with a little water and sunlight.