Feeling useless/ depressed

I’ve been battling this Spondiloarthropathy sickness for almost 3 years and it’s like it never ends.
I’m trying my best to do things but my effort doesn’t seem to be enough. People are mean sometimes, and I feel like nobody gets me. And no one will ever do.
And also I feel so ugly, I miss myself before this sickness. It’s like Everything is against me. And every goal I had, I wasn’t able to fulfill either because of this sickness or because of fear of getting worse.
I just need a friend, I feel like I don’t deserve any good and that’s why I’m living this torment.

Hello @nahomi.
I get it when you say you feel like no one gets you and no one will ever. Trust me, I do. Even when you’re around people, it’s still lonely.
Those goals you had… you may not be able to fulfill them anymore, but that doesn’t mean you won’t find new goals. Don’t let this stop you. You can still find things to strive for, even when it seems hopeless. I know you’ve probably heard things like this before. I know you had your heart set on those goals and it’s probably sad and frustrating losing them. Keep looking forward.
Listen to me. There’s someone I know, a fictional character in the show Naruto but he’s one of the most raw people I’ve seen. He wasn’t like everyone else. He had a disability that was for life and couldn’t be fixed. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t do things others could, things others did easily. People laughed at him, calling him hot-blooded and useless. This boy watched as geniuses beat him into the ground, looking down on him. But he didn’t give up, and trained himself, working hard. He still fell to the genius one, but he told himself if he just worked twice as hard, maybe it’ll be okay. It wasn’t. So he worked six times as hard, telling himself that one day he’d be respectable, despite the fact his hair was uncool, despite the fact he got kicked down and cried every day.
He was a genius of effort.
Now, I’m not saying this to say it’s easy to never give up and all that constant positive stuff. No. People fall down. We fall down all the time. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to fall, to cry, to scream and hate, but don’t ever stop trying.
When everything is against you, push back with EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.
You don’t know if you don’t deserve any good. Maybe you do. If you stay true to yourself and find it in your heart to be kind and resilient, then I think you deserve some good.