Feeling weighed down

hi yall

so i officially graduated college recently. and im starting to panic. as student loan payments are coming, im starting to feel doomed and cornered and trapped. my parents told me they could afford a school that they actually couldnt and now im facing a lifetime of debt. it’s so terrifying. i got a degree in german studies that im not using because my senior year i spent alone and scared in germany. and im not a go-getter. i dont know how people do stuff. having to go to classes in germany was hard enough as it was, there was no way i was gonna line up a job for myself back here, at home. plus, i dont feel confident enough in my german anyway (depending on the day). right now im working at sephora 20 hours-ish per week. its alright. its just scary because at this rate im not making much money especially in comparison to my loans. but 20 hours already has such an impact on my mental health. i just
dont know if ill be able to survive this world. even with repayment options and support from my parents whom i live with, im so full of fear. im thinking of applying for stocking jobs because thats mentally not too hard for me. i mostly do stocking at sephora and i definitely prefer it to being on register and having to pitch credit cards to people just trying to shop.

also people on the internet tend to try to point out how dumb it is to go into debt for a useless degree but trust me, i know. i just want to feel supported despite my mistakes.

all this kinda adds onto my fear that im unloveable. i have hpv, mental illnesses, massive debt, no promising careers. like i do like myself and i know that if im alone forever ill be okay.
but thinking about how it feels like every aspect of my life is tainted by something feels really bad! like why am i excluded by god from things like sex, financial comfort, comfort in social settings, i guess one of my emotions would be anger.
im angry at whoever god or fate is.



Hi nhall,
thank you for sharing this. feel sorry to hear all of this.
i can see why this all is scaring you, that is a lot what is lying in front of you. i never was studying or having the
experience of working / studying in a foreign country. it is huge that you have done that. see what you have achieved so far, and try not to look to far where you will go.
yes there are so many things that will come, so many obstacles to overcome, you have a whole life in front of you.
we often tend to look at to many things that we lose the focus on what actually is.
with all those worries of yours, all things that might be, job or private it is overwhelming. those things are blacken
out your view at this point, making your life dragging you down. when this is happening, remind yourself of what is
when you are walking through darkness, when you can’t see a light in front of you, the only thing you need to see
is always your next step. and you always see your next step. because what you do now, is your next step, what you
do now, is having an impact on you, not what might be.
in my eyes you did not made mistakes. you studied. you learned. you can be proud of that. you lived on your own, you are working and have a family that supports you. what you make out of your degree is yours to choose.
not what the internet says. the internet is always putting things on us, that are unreal, in many aspects.
you are aware where you are at today, you know where you come from. take care of yourself and do your next step.
i am sure you will do great. i am sure that you will make the best next step for you. in life we learn, always. in life we
try, always. you do that ! i am proud of you, you can absolutely.
there are too often times like this for everyone of us, but there will be other times coming. we might not see them right now, but they will come. your life, your actions decide your tomorrow.
you are loved my friend. you matter most ! :purple_heart:


It’s exceedingly rare that a person who has gotten a degree will say that. People on the Internet say a lot of things. Among them are those who say absurd things because they do not expect their ignorant comments to be challenged.

There is much more to a degree than simply stuffing your head full of information. You might be surprised at how few people end up in a career that corresponds to what they majored in while at college. The most significant aspect of getting a degree is that it demonstrates ability to learn, as well as aptitude in interpreting information.

Whether or not you end up in a career in which you use what you learned in your degree program, having the degree will still serve you. Imagine if you and a coworker are going exactly the same job. You have a degree and your coworker doesn’t. If an opportunity for promotion comes along, you are far more likely to receive preference. If layoffs are imminent, the non-degreed person is likely the first person to be laid off because the person with the degree will be thought of as more cross trainable, hence more useful. If

Although everyone deserves respect, in the workplace, the person with a degree is more likely to receive it. It may not be fair, but that’s how it is. Therefore, having a degree will be to your benefit, even if all you do is stock shelves.

I have a daughter-in-law in New York State will receive 100% tuition reimbursement for having worked in the nonprofit sector for 10 years. I think she only has three years left. Most of her time has been spent recycling building materials and restocking shelves. Her major was environmental studies.

Getting a degree is a huge accomplishment! If you can do that, there are a whole lot of things that you can do. You have proven that you have a good mind, a decent level of self-discipline and motivation.

I think I understand the anger, because life is not unfolding in the way you hoped for or expected. In addition, loss of confidence leads to behaviors and perceptions that reinforce additional loss of confidence.

Rather than dwell upon what seems to be an ominous future, take things one day at a time. Maybe even one hour at a time. Remember your large accomplishments, such as earning a degree, and those that don’t seem like a big deal but really are, such as doing a decent days work.

Transitioning from school to work is scary. Thinking about the future is scary. You don’t have to think about it all the time. Your best thinking and ideas will come if you give yourself time for rest and emotional release.

You have already proven yourself in multiple ways. Trust yourself.


Hi @nhall2000
first, congratulations on finishing college, that is a huge accomplishment! I hope you can feel proud of yourself and reward yourself, despite the panic and financial concerns. Money worries can feel crippling, having a pit in the stomach whenever you spend money, or this little devil on your shoulder that asks every time “Can you afford this?”. I can very much relate and I am so sorry you are going through that.

German studies sound interesting, and you have my respect for learning such a difficult language, the grammar is sometimes even difficult for us native speakers. So please try not to be too hard on yourself with your confidence in your German skills. It’s sad that you spent your senior year all alone, it must be quite scary in a foreign country without knowing anybody.

It’s good that you have a job right now, even if it doesn’t seem like a lot of money, you have the basics covered, like food and a home. From this “starting point” you can slowly take steps towards paying off your debts. Remember you don’t have to pay them off all at once. And you won’t be “stuck” in this position forever, I’m sure. I am sorry to hear that 20 hours of work have negatively impacted your mental health (If I understood you correctly, please feel free to point out in case I misunderstood). Is there anything else you would be interested in working which would be less stressful and better for your mental health? (You mentioned stocking jobs for example). I can relate to not wanting to have jobs with too much human contact as the constant interaction is draining and taxing, at least it would be for me. Maybe you can continue working there for now and in the meantime look for new jobs that may be better suited for you and your current situation. That way you won’t feel trapped because you are actively looking for a way out, which can be an empowering feeling. And at the same time you will still stay in a relatively safe position because you have a regular income.

Have you spoken to your parents about your fear? It’s so nice to hear that they are supportive. Maybe you could also speak to a counsellor. I don’t necessarily mean to do a row of therapy sessions, but it might be helpful for you to talk to somebody every once in a while, who can help you build up confidence and take away some of your fears.

In my opinion they are talking nonsense. I’ve always wanted to study literature, art history and philosophy (Due to my depressions I haven’t been able to yet). Whenever somebody hears that, the first thing they say is “And what do you want to do with that afterwards, what will you work as? You need something to be able to earn money with.” I hate when people say that. There is much more to a job than just the income. Getting a degree in a topic that you are passionate about can nourish your soul, it can help you evolve further as a personality. It can change your perspective on the world. You getting a degree was not a mistake, and your degree is not useless. :hrtlegolove:

I can only wholeheartedly agree.

I think you are very lovable. You have unusual interests which makes you unique, you are determined and disciplined by being able to study and live in a foreign country where you don’t know anyone. You illnesses don’t make you unlovable. Your debts will slowly shrink over time. You just graduated, you are young and have time to start a successful career if that is what you want. How do you feel about focusing on your mental health first? Your mental illnesses can be treated. (Also HPV doesn’t have to exclude you from sex forever. You can consult a doctor to check if you’re still contagious after 1-2 years.)

You said you don’t know if you will be able to survive this world. But you are not alone in this.
One of HeartSupport’s motto’s is:

We’re an encouraging community that does life TOGETHER. :hrtlegolove:

1 Like

thanks aardvark. you worded some things a lot similar to how my parents talk to me when im feeling anxious about school and money. its nice to hear someone outside of that parental bias echo what they say. i appreciate it : )


This really did something for me. It’s also the kind of idea thats been getting me through these past couple weeks. I’ve been able to do helpful things like replying to emails, applying to jobs or cleaning my room because i just focus on the next hour. and i think about myself the next day and i like to make it easier on future me, even just a little bit.

thanks for your support as always :smiley:

and @Solemnis i really respond to the going through life together idea. Honestly sometimes i think about how if my life gets a lot harder, at least i could come here for an emotional rebound even if it only lasted a few days. i do talk to my parents about this a lot and they do everything they can to calm me down, which is very nice. I’m definitely going to look for another job in addition to the one i have now. I think that will help with my work and social anxiety because i won’t be as dependent on either job. It all feels a little bit more manageable, for now!
thank you!