today i received news that i got an unsatisfactory in my report for a program i was in, i knew it was going to happen. i don’t know i just feel so useless i feel like i’ll never be good enough. sometimes i get images i need about dying in a car crash . i don’t know who to talk to my parents wouldn’t understand because they’re very strict . i’m just 15 and i’m stressing out about my life i feel like i don’t have a purpose i just want to leave the world. i’m always so bubbly and happy but no one even realizes to ask me how i am. no one would ever understand me and i’ll never be good enough.
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first, thankyou for sharing and being vulnerable with us, im so sorry that you are feeling so stressed. it sounds like the people you want to be ur support r the ones( parents ) causing most of the pressure. i would strongly suggest to try to get involved in the comunity around you, if you can like volunteering, church, extracurricular), maybe that can help you to solve you problem , i know its hard , like no ones care about you , but you need to love yourself first, please dont think if you are useless and never be enough. i know its hard, but keep going , i know you get through this.
i hope u will continue to let us be a help to you. even if we maybe dont have good advice, atleast we can listen and let u know you’re not alone
stay strong, dear
cathyy 
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Gosh it sucks so much to feel like your image is so distant from your experience of yourself…to feel like you portray to the world this, “I’m good, we’re good, I’m fine” vibe, and yet inside to be terrified of anyone seeing past that because they’d discover just how inadequate you are…it’s so scary to live your daily life so far away from everyone else…it’s isolating and makes you feel invisible…but the problem is you’re terrified of being seen, so in some senses NOT being seen feels so much more comfortable, but it is the dull ache of loneliness, of true loneliness, that no one even knows you or even sees you…it eats away at you, and is so painful when you think about it. You can do things to numb or distract or create a “sense” of connection, but at the end of the day you’re always reminded of this aching emptiness inside of you, and it’s this distance between your heart and the rest of the world.
And then you get reminders like this that you are right to hide…that you are unsatisfactory, that you are somehow not good enough, and that you never will be…it is just a dagger directly to your greatest fear, into your greatest wound, and it makes you only want to hide more.
I can relate so much to this because I do something similar in my own life. I try my hardest to perform and to be “the best” on the outside, and many people view me as successful. But I feel so empty on the inside often times when I compare myself to others. I feel inadequate, I struggle to believe that I am worthwhile, that I have meaning and purpose, and that I’m not a fool or an idiot or inferior or a failure…it’s something that I’m actively working to believe differently about myself…because if there’s anything I’ve learned from my 26 years of trying to hustle to be “worth loving”, it’s that there’s nothing that actually makes you “worth loving”…like all the success I’ve had didn’t change the way I felt about myself…all of the good I’ve done in the world doesn’t make me feel any more lovable…it’s really about what I choose to believe, and not about what I choose to do, or how I perform. I have done plenty to make myself feel worthy of loving, but it’s not about what I’ve done, it’s about the decision I make in how I look at myself. The same is true for you! You have to make a decision to believe that you are worthy of being loved…and it’s not based on feelings – because how have your feelings led you so far? Not so well, right? Your feelings tell you to feel worthless and hide from others, but that doesn’t have to be the case. You can choose to believe you are worthy of being loved even when you don’t feel it. It takes practice, but you can begin to believe it. My mentor right now told me that it took him two years to overcome the lies that he believed about himself of daily practicing telling himself the truth…that he is worthy of being loved, that he’s not disgusting, that he’s not disqualified, that he’s not inadequate, that he’s not immasculine, that he’s not weak, that he’s not alone…and so he wrote down the TRUTHS and practiced believing them. He has me on a two year path as well, and I’m a couple weeks in to practicing every day believing that I am worthy of being loved, I was created perfectly, I am becoming who I want to be and in a lot of ways I already love and like who I am, and I am on the right path. I am practicing believing these things and am already seeing a massive improvement in the way I feel about myself. It’s freeing me to realize that so much of my “feelings” I have control over, because my feelings come from what I choose to think, and I can choose to think something differently, which over time changes how I feel…it’s so much more powerful to live life from a place of, “I can decide what I think” than feeling blown about by my feelings.
I know that it’s hard, but it’s harder to be completely alone and feel completely worthless. I hope that you take charge over your thoughts and begin to practice with me believing that you are worthy of being loved and accepted!!
-Nate
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wowww this made my day. it’s going to be a very hard process especially for me because i struggle with body dysphoria. i don’t see any good in me outside or inside. especially appearance wise everything single thing about my body disgusts me. and YOU are a very wonderful man nate. this message touched me so much. thank you for this wonderful message. we will get through this . again, thank you so much & i love you:heart:
. have a blessed day.
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I love you too, friend, and I believe you are worthy of that love 100% <3
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